Bill Murray

I read this Funny or Die article today (are they called Articles on that site? http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/7aat) in which they focus on Bill Murray and his supposed  "no one will ever believe you" tag line.  The article says that his tag line is urban legend, but I have to say - it's not.

My little brother, Mark, was part of the wait staff for a private party at the restaurant he worked at about 3 years ago.  Mark lives in Chicago and doesn't own a car therefore he utilizes the public transportation.  He said he was on the subway and it was late at night (or early in the morning depending on your definition), about 1:30 am or 2 am.  Mark said he got on the train, sat down, and realized there was one other person on the train - an older gentleman reading a newspaper.  Mark glanced at the man and thought he looked familiar, but couldn't place him.  He said that the man looked so familiar that it was bugging him that he couldn't figure out who this guy was, so he kept trying to sneak glances at this guy.  Mark didn't want this man to think he was staring at him, but couldn't help himself.  After a few stops in which no one else got on the train the man stood up and went to stand by the door.  Mark was still stealing glances at this man trying in vain to figure out why he looked so familiar.  As the train slowed down Mark said it suddenly dawned on him - the man was Bill Murray.  (You'd have to understand Mark's insane crazy love for Bill Murray to understand what a monumental moment this was for him.) Mark said the train stopped, the doors opened and as he was getting ready to say something to his idol, Bill Murray turned to him, put his hands to his face like you do for antlers or a "na-na, na-na, boo-boo" and said "No one's gonna believe you!"  And with that he stepped off the train and the doors closed.

To this day I think that was Mark's greatest and worst moment all rolled into one.  He "met" his idol but, to hear Mark tell it, he sat there like a window licker staring at him instead of saying something.  However when Mark told me this story the first time I believed him but there were others with us that didn't believe him.  I believed him because Mark isn't one to make up stories.  The comment I remember most from a non-believer was why would Bill Murray be utilizing public transportation in a big city at 2 am.  Obviously this person didn't know that Bill Murray was born and raised in Wilmette (Northern suburb of Chicago).  He went to school briefly at Loyola University and worked at the famous Second City in Chicago.  Therefore he should be completely comfortable using the subway.

I guess it's too bad that Mark didn't have his camera with him that night!

Breastfeeding

As I sit in the bathroom at work hooked up to a machine that makes me feel badly for dairy cows in a way I never thought possible, I feel I have to pat myself on the back for getting this far.

I never made it this far with either of the girls. I breastfeed Lianna for maybe 6 weeks and Kiley for only about 2 or 3. Maybe it was the fact that I was 18 and 20 with them, but regardless the whole breastfeeding thing didn't stick with me at that time.

The fact that I'm still nursing Xander and I'm pumping at work amazes me. I'm hoping that I can keep it up. It has only been 2 1/2 months...

Remember Me?!

It's been a LOOOOOOONG time since I've updated my blog.

I've had a good reason.  I promise I did!

This little Love Bug is Xander.  He was born on September 19, 2012 at 12:49 pm.  He's such a good baby!!  So chill (unless he's hungry - then he could wake the dead) and so easy going...

I was only able to stay home with him for 6 1/2 weeks.  That sucked hardcore.  I'm lucky that my girlfriend is watching him though and I didn't have to put him in a daycare situation.  She loves on him like he's her own and for that I'm extremely grateful.

His due date was the 21st but I talked my OB into inducing me early.  By week 38 I was SO over being pregnant.  I couldn't breathe because I had a foot, or a heal, or an elbow in my ribs.  I couldn't sleep because I couldn't get comfortable.  I couldn't eat because I would get heartburn just looking at food.  All in all I was miserable.  At this time I had already begun to dilate and all that junk.  My OB said that if I could get to week 39 they'd discuss inducing.

My next appointment was Tuesday the 18th.  I had made it to week 39, I was still miserable, and I had dilated even more (nearly 4 cm.  FYI - 10 cm is fully dilated and ready to push) and my OB said that she'd set up the induction for the next morning, BUT that she'd be very surprised if I didn't go into labor on my own that night. 

I didn't go into labor on my own, we went to the hospital the next morning, I got hooked up to IV fluids, I got the Pitocin to start labor, got my epidural, Dr broke my water and 40 minutes after that Xander was born.  

With the exception of maybe the last 30 minutes of my labor it was so damn easy I'm surprised as HELL.  It helps that I was nearly half way there by the time I got to the hospital.  For the last month I was having Braxton Hicks contractions which got stronger and stronger every day but never got to the point where I was "uncomfortable" or couldn't talk through them.  They say that you can't talk through true labor contractions.  I call bullshit on that.  My Dr. told me at the last appointment that I was having true contractions but they just weren't consistent enough to bring on active labor.

The last 30 minutes of my labor I honestly thought something had gone wrong with my insides.  With every contraction it felt like a 16 lb bowling ball was trying to push out of my ass at the base of my tailbone.  The Epidural, which made everything below my chest completely numb, decided to bypass my butt.  That was the only location of my lower body that I could feel.  So of course that's where all the labor pressure was located.

But he's here and he's perfect in every way.  I love that kid so much it's crazy.  The girls have adjusted pretty well to him.  He's been a great birth control device for Lianna.  She doesn't even want kids now!  She loves Xander but if he's crabby or fussy she wants nothing to do with him.  Kiley on the other hand... She can't keep her hands off him.  If she could breastfeed him I think she would.  She's been a big help though.  When I'm stressed because he's fussy and won't calm down she takes him and he goes right to sleep.  When I need to get something done (laundry, dishes, BATHROOM!) she'll amuse him until I get finished.  She's really been good.

The dogs on the other hand - I'm about to put them up for sale.  We knew they were going to have some issues with the baby coming, and luckily they haven't had any negative acts towards Xander, but they've taken to destroying my kitchen when we're gone.  NO food can be left out.  Not even formula is safe.  Apparently neither are paper towels, plastic cups, zip lock bags, dish towels, or the tea pot that's kept on the stove all the time.  If anything is left out they tear it up.  I can't seem to get them to stop and I'm getting tired of cleaning up their messes.  I've tried gating off the kitchen - they jump the counter.  Well, one does anyway.  The other one's too fat to jump the counter.  

Mindless Baby Rumblings...

There's not much going on at home right now.  The girls are starting school again on Wednesday.  Can I get a Woot Woot?!  I am SO excited for them to go back to school.  I've been waiting for this day all summer!! No more stupid calls at work to tattle on each other.  No more dumb text messages 18,000 times a day.  I'll know exactly where they are for the majority of the day, and not have to hear them complain about this or that.  

Can you tell I'm excited?!

I'm also starting to really freak out now.  My son will be here in less than a month and a half.  He'll be an actual physical presence in my home in roughly 5 weeks.  I cannot believe how quickly this has gone.  Back in January this day seemed soooooooo far away.  September?!  It wasn't even Spring or Summer yet, let alone the beginning of Fall!  Now it's here.  Well... Almost.  

I have a list a mile long of stuff I still need.  I have my 3rd and final Baby Shower tomorrow, and several gift cards from the previous two showers.  I'll wait until next week and re-evaluate what I still "need" vs what I still "want" and go from there, I guess.  I have his dresser pretty much organized.  M has to fix one of the drawers - the track that it slides in and out on broke - and once that's fixed I can finish putting some of his blankets and sleepers in there.  Everything has been washed and folded.  Older clothing has been washed, folded, boxed and labeled.  His crib and changing table are up - I still have to organize them as they're currently holding random toys and such.

M is freaking out over one small, minor detail.  The fact that we don't have many diapers in the house.  Of all the things to freak about that's what he's focused on!  Here's my issue:  The newborn diapers, which are the ones M keeps wanting me to buy in bulk, really only fit a newborn for a short amount of time.  Unless you have a tiny baby or a preemie that is.  I have one package of newborn diapers and the newborn diapers from the "diaper cake" that someone made for one of the showers.  All in all it probably amounts to two packages of newborn diapers.  I hesitate to buy more than that ESPECIALLY since at my last OB appointment this past Monday, in which I was barely 34 weeks, I was measuring at 37 weeks.  

This could mean one of two things:  Either my son will be a big baby or I have a lot of amniotic fluid.  My OB said if I'm still measuring large at my next appointment - which will be the 28th - they'll do an ultrasound to see why.  If he's a big baby - he may not use all the newborn diapers we currently have.  I've tried to explain this to M but I think he just needs diapers in the house to make him feel better.  

This about sums up my entire life at the moment.  Trying to get everything organized and ready for my son to make his grand entrance, keeping my husband calm about diapers, keeping the teens alive long enough to start school...

I think I need a vacation.

That Chicken Restaurant

Again, a post that I feel I have to write or my entire being will explode.  

The Chic-Fil-A Debate

I am so incredibly angry over this issue it's ridiculous.  Do not get me wrong - I do not dispute anyone's right to believe what they want to believe.  To live how they want to live.  To be who they want to be.  

But God Dammit - it goes both fucking ways.  I don't bother you or degrade you for believing in Jesus and the Bible.  Don't you dare fucking tell me that because I don't believe in what you believe in I should be punished.

My issue with Dan Cathy is not that he's a Christian.  My issue is that Chic-Fil-A openly supports organizations that are actively working to take away basic human rights of people simply because of who they are.  No one, NO ONE, should have the right or the authority to do that.  

Did we learn nothing from Slavery?

Did we learn nothing from the Civil Rights Movement?

Did you know that The Family Research Council and the Marriage & Family Foundation are two organizations that Chic-Fil-A has donated millions of dollars to?  Did you know that The Family Research Council believes that same gender loving behavior should be criminalized in this country? 

These reasons, plus many more, are why I will never frequent a Chic-Fil-A.  The money I spend there would help to contribute to the mission to deny my brother his basic human rights, and that will NEVER be okay.

I think Chris Rock said it best:

What Does He Not Understand About The Sentence - You're Not Giving My Kid A Vehicle For Free?

I have been having a hard time getting Lianna to understand that vehicle ownership is more than just putting $5 of gas in the car every few days.  My father has compounded this issue by giving her unhindered access to his truck, and thinking that he's going to get this by me by putting the term "on loan" on it.

My father has been talking about getting a new vehicle for quite some time now.  He indicated to me, in front of Li who at the time had her Learners Permit, that he'd like to "sell" the truck to her for $1 because he'd like to be able to use it from time to time for hauling.  Hauling what exactly, I don't know.  I informed him at the time that this was not going to happen because he'd essentially be giving her a car.  I don't agree with handing 16 year old's a car.  It doesn't teach them responsibility.  It teaches them that expensive items get handed to them whenever they want them.

I never had a car handed to me until I was in my 20's, married with two kids, and in desperate need of a second vehicle.  My mother generously gave me her Eagle Premier - which promptly broke down for good about 3 months later.  Even so, I appreciated the gesture.  She didn't have to give me her car but she knew I needed it badly.

Li doesn't seem to understand that vehicles run on more than just gas.  They have to have oil changes, tire rotations and changes, and regular maintenance.  Not to mention that the older a car the more issues you'll begin to have such as alternators, starters, sensors, ball joints, transmissions, etc.  Those things don't fix themselves and they cost money to be fixed.  She gets all bent out of shape when she wants to use my car and I tell her that she has to put $5 of gas in it.  

"But I just put $5 in three days ago!!!" She'll complain.  Never mind that she's used the car every day since then and not only is that $5 of gas long gone, so is a good portion of the rest of the gas.

Now I wake up this morning and my father's truck is in my driveway.  He's "loaned" it to Li for an indefinite amount of time so that she can get from place to place without having to rely on others for rides or cars.  I told Li not to get attached to the truck because she's not going to be keeping it for long.  My father just called me and insisted that she's doing him a favor by using the truck because then it's not sitting at the end of his driveway.  I wanted to scream at him "IF YOU DIDN'T WANT IT SITTING AT THE END OF THE DRIVEWAY THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE TRADED IT IN!!"

He suggested that we sit down over dinner soon with my mother and we can come to an agreement.  Apparently he thinks that he'll get his way.  I let him know that I'm not changing my position on this.  He is NOT giving her unhindered access to the truck whenever she wants it simply because he don't want it sitting in his driveway.  

End of discussion.

Follow Up to the Young'uns

I know this doesn't interest practically anybody, but I feel it has to be mentioned.  

Ricky Schroeder just doesn't get it.  He may know the owner, but while he's here during work hours - he's just a shop hand.

He will not be here on Friday of this week apparently.  He told Justin that he's going to have a buddy of his come in and cover for him.  Justin told him no.  Ricky didn't like that answer so he said that he'd just go talk to Mike about it.  

He doesn't understand.  You can't just have random people coming into the shop all willy nilly simply because you're not going to be here for your shift.  The liability aspect of that is mind boggling.  When you're hired in at a company you are hired at the company.  Not you and whomever you want to bring along.

Justin knew Mike was out of the office so he sent Mike a quick text message letting him know about the conversation he'd had with Ricky.  I don't know if Mike ever replied to Justin, if Ricky ever spoke to Mike like he said he was going to, or if Mike nipped it in the bud right off, but this kid and his sense of entitlement is getting out of control.

Between throwing around Mike's name every time he doesn't get what he wants, taking hour long lunches when everyone else in the shop is taking a 30 minute lunch, to hanging out in Mike's office to chat with his girlfriend while Mike's gone to lunch - This kid's getting too big for his britches.  

I think he needs to be taken down a peg.

Or eight.

Little Miss Can't-Be-Wrong

In my house we call her Lianna.

I don't know about you, but it drives me insane when I get a text message from my children asking me to pick up something on the way home from work that I shouldn't have to pick up at all.  

For example: Feminine Products.

Li sent me a text message about 45 minutes ago asking me to pick up tampons on my way home from work.  For starters I always keep a spare box/package of feminine products in our upstairs linen closet.  For no other reason than there's nothing worse than needing a tampon or pad and realizing that you are COMPLETELY out of them.  

I have a very simple rules in regards to my grocery list:

If you want me to buy something - put it on the list.

If you use the last of something - put it on the list.

If you take the last package/box of feminine products from the hall closet - FOR GODS SAKE PUT THAT SHIT ON THE LIST!

She sent me the text asking me to pick up tampons and the following text conversation took place:

Me - Since there's been nothing put on the list I would check the closet upstairs.  There should be an extra box there.

Li - There, isn't I Already checked

Me - Well... You may have to survive on pads then.  I don't have cash today, I don't have a debit/credit card today and no one (Read: you) put them on the list when they (Read: you) took the last box out.

Li - ...Have you forgotten that kiley has a period too so people (ready: you) shouldn't be so quick to point fingers

Me - Ki doesn't use tampons.  So it's not pointing fingers.  It's a matter of deduction.  I'm obviously not using them, she doesn't use them, (M) would't touch them with a 10 foot pole, so who does that leave?  Read: You.

Li - yes well she shaved her legs before she was allowed to so no you really dont know. Btw I wasnt planning on being rude but its hard not to when you talk to me like im an idiot

I can't even begin to respond to this latest text message unless I want my head to explode. 

Photo Source:http://maothebrok.deviantart.com/art/Exploding-head-164213962

For clarification, This is a child who NEVER remembers to put a damn thing on that list.  Ever.  So when I get these messages from her it drives me bonkers.  I was not talking to her like she was an idiot, I was simply trying to get across that there are no more tampons because she didn't put them on the list - again.

This last text message is also the reason why she can't use my car tonight after work. 

Photo Source: http://www.dietl-weiden.de/Wallpaper/wallpaper.htm

And because I'm a pregnant bitch.

Young'uns...

It's an odd time right now for our shop here at work.  We actually have more work than we can handle at the moment, and we've got 7 full time guys and one part time guy.  This is how it used to be in our shop when I first started here in 2007, but since 2009 we've never really had more than 3 full time guys back there.  Up until about 3 or 4 months ago it was just Justin in the shop, and had been that way for a while.

We've got the part time guy who is the owners' son.  He's a nice kid but he's not a shop guy.  Not by a long shot and it makes me wonder why he's here.  


We've got two guys from a temporary agency - one really knows his way around the shop and didn't take long to acclimate.  The other seems to be doing alright; I haven't heard any complaints about him.


Then we've got the others, one of which has worked here off and on when not in school and he's a pretty decent guy, another who was hired from the temp agency and seems to have been a good fit as well, and one who if he calls in with some BS excuse again will get the boot.  Then we've a kid who Justin calls Ricky Schroder.  (Apparently he's a trust fund kid who's passing away his summer before he heads to college in the fall.)

You 'member Silver Spoons, right?!

Photo Source: http://www.bullz-eye.com/movies/interviews/2010/ricky_schroder.htm

This kid is the bosses daughter's boyfriend.  As such he think's he has an upper hand in the dynamics of the shop.  This is where he couldn't be more wrong.  He's learning the hard way that you never ever complain about your foreman.  Ever.  (Obviously there's exceptions to this rule.  Such as if your foreman is telling you to do something deadly or illegal, etc.)

Justin was giving him shit about behaving himself with the bosses daughter or Mike'll kill him (Mike is one of my bosses and a 3rd degree black belt.)  It was just typical Justin shop shit.  Showing that he's top dog back there.  Apparently "Ricky" went to Mike to complain about this line of "questioning" and saying that it makes him uncomfortable.  So of course Mike had to talk to Justin.

Ricky now has a target on his back.  Every crap job that comes into the shop, whether it's cleaning or moving stuff or organizing something, "Ricky" will have to do it.  Justin's already started.  We have a new PM starting next week so we've been taking advantage of the fact that Craig's off this week and we're gutting the office that he'll share with the new PM.  Craig holds onto way too much shit that doesn't need to be held onto.  Since we've been boxing up stuff to put in storage - guess who gets to spend his days up in the storage areas out in the shop?  Ricky.

And it's damn hot here this week.  It's supposed to feel like 107 today and even hotter the rest of the week.  There's no AC in the shop and the kid'll be up near the top of the roof moving boxes around, bringing more boxes up there, throwing other shit out...  He's not going to have a good week.

That's what you get when you think you're entitled.  He may "know" the owner, but that doesn't mean he's untouchable in the shop.

My brother's fiance has kicked herself into high gear.  Their wedding is 4 weeks away.  I'm giving her some leeway because, while I've never planned a "traditional" wedding, I can imagine that she's a little overwhelmed with the details now.  

Lianna's is in the Pool color that the other bridesmaids dresses are, and Kiley's is a black dress with, I believe, a pool colored flower on it somewhere.

www.davidsbridal.com 

I think this is Li's dress but even if it's not it definitely is the right color.  Ki's will be a different dress but I'm not sure what one they ended up agreeing on.

Sarah's being a little confusing as to the shoes she wants them to wear.  First she said no heel higher than 2 1/2 inches.  Then she said whatever size heel they want.  (I think that was before she realized that my 14 year old could practically run in my 4" heels.)  Then she was back to 2" heels for Li and flats for Ki.  This didn't go over very well with Ki because she knows Li looks like a giraffe with two broken legs in any heel higher than 1".  And Ki doesn't want to wear "baby flats".

The other day Li bought two pairs of wedges from Target.  I had told her that if she insists on wearing heels in the wedding they really need to be wedges so that when she walks she at least has some grace.  One of the wedges was 2 1/2" one was 3".  While the shoe color was black, as requested by Sarah, the wedge itself was cork.

www.target.com

These aren't the shoes that Li picked out but they're a good enough example of the black shoe with the cork wedge.  In my opinion, and let's face it - I'm SOOO out of fashion according to my kids, for a wedding that you're going to be walking in, in a formal dress, the cork makes these shoes too casual for the occasion.  There are plenty of shoes that have the black wedge that matches the black of the shoe.  

Li really likes the shoes she's picked (her friend and I convinced her that the smaller wedge was a nicer looking shoe) and doesn't want to exchange them.  I figured - Sarah's wedding, let Sarah decide.  I sent her an actual picture of the shoe via text with the question "Too casual for a formal wedding?  Your call..."  Her response was that would be fine.  Anything else would be to mature for Li.  

Um... Really?  You're talking about a 17 year old girl.  NOTHING, in her mind, is too mature.

Sarah had called me to give her approval of Li's shoes and during this conversation I found out that my girls aren't really a part of the Bridal Party but they're more of... I don't know.  An accessory to the bridal party, maybe?  I don't know how to explain it other than they won't be walking down the isle with a groomsman but will walk down the isle together.  At the reception, while there will be no assigned seating there will be three separate tables dedicated to the Bridal Party: One for Eric and Sarah.  One for 2 of the Bridesmaids and their dates, and 2 of the Groomsmen and their dates.  And another one for the other 2 Bridesmaids/dates and 2 Groomsmen/dates.  

Sarah and Eric forgot about Lianna and Kiley.  Then justified it to themselves that the girls wouldn't want to sit there anyway so it was no big deal.  I'm not even sure that the girls are aware yet that they aren't included in these reserved seating spaces.  They may not even want to sit there.  I don't know.

The second thing Sarah mentioned to me was that the girls will want to bring a pair of black flip flops to change into at the reception so their feet don't hurt.  (She obviously doesn't know my girls.  Li can wear the most uncomfortable shoe all day long, and will wear it all day long, if it looks nice.  Such a girl.  Ki - well, see my mention of her ability to run in my 4" heels earlier in this post and you'll agree that wearing a low heel all night won't be an issue for her.)  Sarah told me "I bought a pair for all of my bridesmaids as part of their gift bag.  I forgot about the girls though so I don't even have a gift bag for them."  Apparently these are gift bags that she's giving to all the Bridesmaids at the Reception Dinner.  So, in my mind, my kids will be sitting there anticipating a bag and not getting one.

I guess I just don't know how you can ask someone to be in your wedding, go so far as to get them into dresses that match everyone else's in the wedding party, but then basically ignore them for everything else.

Is this just me being irrational and letting my issues trickle over onto my kids or do I have a legitimate reason to feel as if my kids are going to be feeling left out?  How do I handle this?  If it's not me being stupid, or hormonal, should I say something to Sarah or just let it slide and deal with hurt feelings if there are any?

Pull Yourself Together Woman! You're A God Damned Mess!

Today's post title came straight from the mouth of my friend Karly.  Karly is one of those people who will tell you like it is and doesn't care if you like it or not.  God - I love that woman!  As usual, Karly is right.  I'm a goddamned mess.  I was so freaking sure, for this entire pregnancy, that I wasn't going to become a blubbering idiot that pregnant women always turn into.  And I wasn't.  Up until about two or three weeks ago.  Now I cry at everything.  And then I get mad that I'm crying, which makes me cry.  It's a vicious cycle I tell ya.

The most recent "Everything is going wrong.  Nothing is going right.  I hate everyone and everything.  I just want to be home in bed." episode was this entire week.

To begin with I've been dealing with some absolute ridiculous insurance requirements for one of our current projects.  No matter how long a subcontractor of ours has been onsite, when it comes time to renew their insurance it's a huge process of getting the right stuff.  Not to mention the headache it is to get the insurance squared away before a new sub ever steps foot on the jobsite.  Disaster I tell you.  Complete disaster.

My biggest problems with the insurance issue for starters is that I'm not an insurance agent.  I can only send to the companies we hire the insurance requirements.  When they send me their insurance back I can "read" a little bit of it but for the most part all of it may as well be in Swahili.  All in all it can, and has, taken weeks to get my subcontractors the proper insurance.  Meanwhile, they can't begin to do their work until the insurance is ok.

Also?  I can't force these subcontractors to jump all over the insurance and make them get me it.  All I can really do is to repeatedly tell them that they can't start until the insurance is approved.  Beyond that my hands are tied.  I try to stay on top of them, and I don't think I do such a bad job, but I do have other things that I work on as well.  My entire focus isn't insurance.

The second part of my "Everything SUCKS" week is that Craig turned over to me the responsibility of getting the LEED information for the same project as the insurance catastrophe project.  I mentioned this in a previous post.  I'm still beyond furious about this.  He has not a clue what kind of horrors this type of stuff is to do last minute.  I've been trying to get as much done as I can but there is information from him that I need and he's "too busy" to sit down with me and go over it.  I've repeatedly informed him that I need his help.  He repeatedly ignores me.

Next is the "I hate everyone and everything" part of my week.  I promise you that I am not always this mopey and neither is this post.  Hang with me for a minute more...  Craig came into the office on Weds and headed straight into our boss's office.  They then came out to my desk.  My boss asked me why the insurance isn't being handled.  He was very rude about it as well.  Craig was standing behind him with a look on his face that made me want to beat the shit out of him.  I showed him all of the email correspondence between me and the subs, and me and the general contractor to show him that I was working on it.

He then wanted to know why I wasn't getting the LEED information.  I had a hunch when Craig was standing there with a smug look on his face, and this question from my boss confirmed it - Craig threw me under the bus.  He was getting reamed out for not having the subs onsite and not getting the LEED information to the general contractor, and instead of telling my boss that I was working on it he just laid all the blame at my feet.

So I decided that if I was gonna be road kill - so was he.  I simply turned it all around on him and explained to my boss that this insurance requires more than a days notice to get due to how complicated and expensive it is.  If I had been given at least a week I could have gotten it a lot quicker but as it was I was given less than 24 hours notice since Craig doesn't even call the office before lunchtime, let alone come in.  I also informed him that I've requested face to face time with Craig on several occasions to go over the LEED info, of which I've been ignored, as well as the face that LEED info is not easy to get and I am working on it but again it takes time.

The final part of my "Everything is going wrong" week was yesterday when my female boss informed me that I would not have 2 weeks paid time off in September because according to her records I have only been here for 3 years and not 5.

Wha... WHAT?!

I started at this company the day after Labor Day 2007.  In March of '09 I was temporarily laid off as the company was struggling to stay open.  During the 6 months I was "laid off" I was still working here 2 days a week to help them out by doing the things that either no one else really remembered how to do or that they didn't have time to concentrate on.  In September of '09 I came back full time.  According to my boss the return date in Sept '09 is the date they consider my start date so I didn't have the 2 weeks in September as I thought.  I was furious.  While I'm appreciative of everything they've done for me here, this made me feel like shit.  I was so mad I was ready to quit right then and there.  I was pissed off all night about this.  I was actually trying to get in touch with Dick to see if his company had any openings, I was so mad.

Thank you for reading all that bullshit to get this far.  Here is where I start to perk up...

When my female boss came into the office this morning she told me that she and her husband (did I ever mention that both my bosses are married to each other?) talked it over and they are not going to look at the time I was "laid off" as if I wasn't working here.  So September is my 5-year anniversary and I will have 2 weeks PTO to use on my maternity leave.  In addition to that they will pay me 1/2 my current salary for the remaining weeks I am off.

Whew...  While that doesn't make up for Craig being a wimpy-ass-crybaby BITCH, it did help to make my work week end on a slightly better note than it started on.

Due to all this bullshit I was a blubbering idiot this week.  I'd call Jessie in tears and she'd pretend to understand what I was babbling about.  I was at home watching Say Yes To The Dress Bridesmaids and you could tell this one bridesmaid felt so very out of place among the other bridesmaids that I started to cry for her.

REALLY?!?!  IT'S REALITY TELEVISION!!

Holy crap.  Karly is SO right!  I'm a GOD DAMNED MESS!

Weekend Recap

My bosses purchased 10 tickets to a charity fundraiser for Multiple Sclerosis.  They then asked all of us here in the office if we'd be interested in going.  I was going to decline mainly because when I looked at the flyer with the information on it I realized it was a barn dance.  The fundraiser was being called "Stompin Out MS".  Then my company paid to fix the springs on my car which cost $600 so I felt like I kind of had to go.  M was less than pleased.  Until he found out that there was an open bar and that both Craig and Beth, and Justin and Melissa were going, too.  It ended up being an alright evening.  The open bar was a lie.  Instead it was a "$10 bottomless drink" thing but they only had Miller Lite, Highlife, Wine and Mikes Hard Lemonade's.  M is not a Miller drinker, nor does he drink wine.  He ended up drinking Hard Lemonades all night and since those go down pretty easily, and quickly, he was feeling no pain by 9pm.  Not obnoxious, just no pain.  I despise country music and I refuse to line dance to any song.  The night would have been 80x's better if I'd have been able to drink. (I was designated driver for ourselves and Beth & Craig because obviously.)  I wasn't forced to hang out with my bosses all evening, and both Beth and Craig were in good moods so it wasn't too bad.  Until I was ready to go at 10pm and they were all "Let us have just one more drink" which turned into 2 or 3 until at 10:30 I told them I was leaving with or without them.  They thought I was kidding until I got up from the table and said my goodbyes to my bosses.  They followed like dutiful children then...

Sunday morning Sarah came over to "plan" my family baby shower that she's throwing.  I'm still unsure of why she had to come over to do this as email would have been just fine, but it wasn't too bad.  I'm not sure how much planning of the shower we did as Ki got her started on her wedding (which is in 6 weeks so that's all Sarah really wants to discuss right now anyway) and then suddenly Sarah saw that she had to go home to get ready for her first dress fitting.  I think my shower will be at their condo, will be a jungle theme, will be in the evening and we'll have kabobs.  Other than that?  I'm not sure...  Whatever.  Tell me when to be there and I'll show up.

Later in the afternoon I get a knock on my door.  The lady standing there wants to talk to Kiley's mother.  Fuck.  "What the hell did she do now?" is what I'm thinking.  Apparently Ki called her ex-boyfriend (what?) Nick pretending to be me and said "This is Kiley's mother.  If you don't stop harassing Kiley and Emily I'll be going to the police."  (Ki had her friend Emily over.  They weren't home at the time but had just left my house.)  They then texted him the same message.  Luckily for me the mom was pretty cool about the whole thing.  She said she was pretty sure the voice mail wasn't from an adult, and the text lingo in the text message appeared to her to not be from an adult either, but she said she wanted to come talk to me to make sure that there wasn't an issue as her son is insistent that he's not contacting the girls at all and that they're the ones contacting him.

Of course I was furious.  This is not the first time that Kiley has been in trouble for using her cell phone inappropriately.  This is also not the first time that I've had parents show up at my door because of her behavior.

Long story short, I made Ki come home.  I took Emily home.  Ki has lost her cell phone use for the time being.  I'm not grounding her during the day because I'm not there to enforce it, and if I ground her she'll just leave anyway making sure she's home in time to not get caught.  So she'll be grounded for the evenings for an undetermined amount of time.  I'm being a little lenient on this punishment because after looking at the cell phone usage history online I could see that she did instigate the issue with this boy by calling him, but after she called him he texted her 4 times before she texted him pretending to be me again.  He then texted her 8 times before she replied once.  He then texted 4 times before she replied again.  And his texts to her were not one right after the other - there were several minutes between texts that I can tell.

Ki and Emily are insistent that he's been harassing them for a while now.  That he's memorized both their addresses, their phone numbers, their birthdays...  I'm not sure how much to believe at this point, but I'll be keeping a very close eye on her cell phone from here on out - especially after (if) she gets it back.

I'm so tired of teenagers and their constant bullshit.

Letter to My Husband (and "Youth Shooting" Question)

Dearest Husband,

I love you very much.  You should know this by now.  Otherwise, why else would I put up with your shit?  No, really?  Why?  Your "schedule" seems to revolve around our need to be out of the house and on our way... anywhere.  I could tell you that we would win $4 Million dollars if we are at such-and-such a location at EXACTLY a specific time, and you would have to use the bathroom right before we leave thereby causing us to miss out.

You need to re-schedule your bathroom times to any other time than right before we leave.  Every.  Damn.  Time.  I'm tired of telling people we'll be here or there at 4 pm for dinner only to have to contact them at 3:50 to inform them that, yet again, we will be closer to 4:30.  Luckily no one ever questions our consistent lateness. Unfortunately I'm sure that secretly they blame me.

I've tried to tell you that we need to be at specific locations a half hour earlier than we really need to be there in the hopes that I can trick your colon into using the facilities in a time frame that is more useful to our social needs, but no such luck.  You think "no party starts" without you.  Sorry to say this, Darling Husband, but that's not so.  (By the way, the next time I hear you complain about how your friend Carrie is ALWAYS late I will punch you in the throat.)

Love You Always,
Your Wife

BLOG ENTRY PART TWO - (Aren't you a lucky bunch!!)

While getting ready for work in the morning I have the local CW news on in the background.  Really the only reason is so that I can find out the weather, but also so that I'm not completely lost if something major is happening and someone wants to discuss it with me.  (Good luck, whomever you are trying to talk to me about news related items.  However, there are times in which I do like to not look like a complete idiot.)

This morning I heard the anchor talking about the shootings in Chicago having been excessive, even for Chicago standards, over the holiday weekend.  They were talking about a couple of the shootings.  Then a man came on camera, and I don't know if he was an Alderman or some community leader or just a Chicago resident, but his explanation for the excessive shootings was:

"You're talking about a great number of frustrated and angry youths."

Are you fucking kidding me?  So apparently, if you're a youth and you're frustrated and angry you can shoot a human and it's accepted to some degree because you're angry and frustrated?  Bullshit.  I can't believe this person actually thought that a good and valid reason to the shooting of HUMAN BEINGS was because the person doing the shooting was an angry and frustrated youth!

Granted, I grew up in the suburbs, but how does one not know that it's wrong to shoot someone?  Even if I grew up in the shittiest ghetto of Chicago (ahem... South Side) as a human you know, you know, that you're not supposed to shoot people simply because you're angry and frustrated!

I really and truly do NOT understand how some people operate....  The man claiming that anger and frustration is a valid excuse to use deadly force on other humans is, in my opinion, why the cycle of violence continues in certain places.  Never in a million years would you see my family members or community members supporting me if I decided to start shooting people simply because I was angry and frustrated.  

My god... Do you realize how many people I would have been able to get away with killing if that were the case?!  

Garage Sale Pre-Shopping

My friend Stef, her mother and her sister are having a Garage Sale today, tomorrow and Saturday.  Stef has two children, a boy (3 1/2) and a girl (2 1/2) - they're less than a year apart by weeks; Irish Twins.  Her sister, Erica, has a daughter who is about 6.

Stef has kept every single piece of clothing her children have ever worn.  Since she and her husband, Chris, are not having any more children, she decided that she'd sell her kids out grown and un-used stuff.  Back in April there was a huge garage sale type of sale called The Trendy Tot's Sale held at the DuPage County Fairgrounds in Wheaton.  I believe a portion of the proceeds went to charity but I'm not 100% on that.  However, that sale would not allow brands such as Target, Walmart, and K Mart to be sold.  (I'm not sure exactly why, but the argument was that children's clothing from these retailers is not quality clothing so they sale organizers didn't want those brands sold.)  Stef and her sister were able to sell a lot of their stuff at this Trendy Tot's Sale, but they also have a lot of clothing left over - hence the garage sale.

When I found out on Monday that we're having a boy, Stef told me to come by her Mom's place Wednesday after work and I could have whatever I wanted.  By the time I was done I felt as though I've ripped her off!  They already had nearly everything out on racks in the garage and they were all labeled with sizes, prices, etc.  I kept pulling stuff out and then putting it back on the rack.  Stef's mom, Fran, saw me do this several times and asked me if something was wrong.  I told her that I felt that I should give Stef a chance to make some money on this stuff before just taking it (they had flat out refused money from me).  Fran just laughed at me and said "If you like it - take it."  Stef also said nearly the same thing.  She said that most of the clothes she's gotten for each of her kids have been gifts from others so she's not really "out" any money by not selling it to me.  I think that's mostly BS to make me feel better.

When I was finished looking through the clothes, Fran directed me to a table that had sleepers, crib sheets, receiving blankets, socks, etc.  She then started pulling stuff out and handing it to me!

"Oh!  You need this crib sheet."
and
"Take these receiving blankets - they're so cute with sports balls all over them!"
and
"Jack just LOVED these Spiderman slippers.   Take these."

She even ended up giving me an extra mattress for a pack n play.  She and Stef both said that the mattress that comes with the pack n play is really thin, so it was nice to have an extra mattress for it.

I ended up coming home with two large Kohl's bags and two medium sized bags as well as the mattress!  I have forgotten how absolutely tiny a newborn baby is.  Even a baby a couple months old is tiny.  I was showing M a sleeper that's size 3 months.  He said "That's too small.  It won't fit him."  I looked at it, remembering how tiny they start out, and told him "Just wait.  He'll be swimming in it."

** For anyone in the Chicagoland area - There will be another Trendy Tot's sale sometime in September also to be held at the DuPage County Fairgrounds.  I missed the one in April but plan on going in September and hopefully getting anything I may still need for the baby.  This sale has everything you could possibly need/want for Infants, Toddlers, and Children, and the clothing sizes go up into the Juniors.  When I get the information about the exact dates I will post the information here.

Random Mind-Vomit

I'm sorry.  I have to purge this shit or my brain feels like it's going to implode.  I know for a FACT that I will upset people by putting this out there onto the internet but I don't give a fuck.  My blog = my thoughts.  I will write what I write and if I offend you... So be it.

Breastfeeding

While I am completely for breastfeeding, like every thing else in this world, there a limit the benefits.  I get that some mothers don't want to wean their children because it is a special bond between mother and child.  I get that.  Breastfeeding your baby in public?  Fine.  As long as you're somewhat discrete, and I only say that because I don't think I should have to tell my toddler/young child why that lady is showing her boobies in public, you have every right to feed your child.  If you can't be discrete about it you need to practice at home before going out in public.

However, it is scientifically proven that there is no health benefit to your child breastfeeding beyond 12 months old.  At this point your child is no longer getting the nutrients he/she needs to grow.  If you feel that you still want to breastfeed your child at this age, fine.  Who am I to tell a mother she can't have that bond still?  But I can tell you that you are crossing a line when this shit is out in the public.  In my opinion, this is the age where it becomes bullshit.  Would you tell your child that they can have that cookie right before bead simply because they want it?  No.  Would you allow your child to ride in the car without a car seat because they want to?  No. So why are you giving them your boob simply because they want it?  Maybe you want it.  Which makes me say you need to go see someone about your issues.

This shit is gross.

Gay Marriage

Why can I marry my husband but my brother can't marry his boyfriend?  As a married person I have the right to tax breaks and hospital decisions to name just two.  Really, who determined that "Marriage" is only supposed to be between a man and a woman?  Oh, that's right.  The most popular work of fiction EVER.  The bible.

When I see signs proclaiming that marriage is only supposed to be between a man and a woman I get so angry I want to drive my car right through that shit.  If two people truly love one another and want to spend their lives together - who is ANYONE else to say they can't?  When I hear people spewing the venom of hate, because that's what it is, I want to punch them in the throat.  I cannot begin to explain the depth of my hatred for people such as these...

Don't even get me started on the bullshit that they can still live together forever and all that shit.  They should be allowed to the same damn rights that I have as a married person.

Because that's what it's really about, isn't it?

Religion and Politics

Isn't there some law about separation of Church and State?  I tried to google that phrase but it's a little tricky... From what I can gather our Founding Fathers wanted a wall of separation between the church and the state, but what that meant exactly is a little lost on me.

In either case why is it that every single political campaign ends up being based on that particular candidate's religious beliefs?  Why should the fact that Candidate A is a devout catholic, while Candidate B is a Prodistant, and Candidate C is Agnostic even play a fucking part in the politics of the United States?  What church you belong to should not make a damn bit of difference when it comes to politics but that's really what it is.  Politics I mean.  It's a damn war to see which religion is the most popular.

Those are the rants I had to get out of my system.  I'm sure there will be more.  I didn't put this out there to offend anyone.  All opinions are my own and since this is my blog, I will write what I want.

You're Wrong. Just Admit It And Get On With Your Life

Why is it that some people just can't admit when they're wrong and leave it at that?  Why do some people insist on arguing their case even after proof that they're wrong has been provided?

Example:
Both my Aunt D and I have naturally curly hair.  She posted on Facebook the other day a little joke asking how you wear your naturally curly hair when it's humid and then posted right after that "Frizzy!"  The obvious joke being that when you have naturally curly hair you have very little choice as to how your hair behaves in humid weather.

I posted on her thread about how when it's humid my go-to hair style is to straighten it.  I used to wear my long hair in a messy bun but since cutting it shorter than my normal length it's now too short for the messy bun.  I also commented that if she can pull it off she could try a scarf.

This was kind of an inside "joke" between my aunt and myself.  We constantly joke about how our hair is ridiculously frizzy all the time.

One of her friends commented that she could try product.  To which both my aunt and I replied that there really is no product that truly takes away the frizz unless you coat your hair in it.  In which case your hair is greasy and gross.  The best you can do is manage the frizz to an extent.

A couple of days later another of my aunts friends commented that there IS product that really DOES take away the frizz (she really wrote those words in CAPS, too).  She then listed two or three products and proceeded to tout these as if it were her job to sell these products.  What really took me by surprise though was that she herself said in the same comment something along the line of "I know you're thinking - but she has straight hair.  I got a perm recently and can TOTALLY understand your issue with frizz!  LOL!"

I couldn't let it go.  I had to comment.  My comment was along the lines of:
"There is a huge difference between a synthetic curl, or perm, and a natural curl.  Your curl still has the qualities of your straight hair simply curled."

I figured that was that.

I was wrong.

I then got messaged by this woman still arguing her case!  She was insisting that I didn't know what I was talking about and that if I just tried these products she's sure that I'd win "the battle of the frizz"!  I couldn't believe this lady.  What I find funniest is that I have tried the products she was mentioning and they don't work any better or any worse than any other product.  Yet again I tried to explain to her that when my hair is straightened it does not have the smooth and shiny appearance that someone with naturally straight hair has.  It's still a coarser hair overall because just straightening it does not change the make up of the hair itself.  When her straight hair was permed it did not change the make up of her naturally straight hair so the anti-frizz products probably did work for her as her hair is 90% less frizzy naturally than mine or my Aunt's.

She replied to me again this time insisting that I don't know how to manage my curly hair and that I would probably benefit from some professional assistance from an experienced and educated hair stylist.

Yeah.  Because after 33 years* of hair so curly I look like Little Orphan Annie if my hair is cut shorter than my shoulders, I don't know how to manage my curly hair.  Bite me.

I proved her wrong with examples.  All she had to do was look at my Aunt's hair and she'd realize that she was wrong, yet she still insisted she was right.

*I'm not shaving a few years off my age.  I had poker straight blond hair until I was 2.  My Mother insists that I woke up on my 2nd birthday with my hair curled to my head and brown. There are pictures of me in the fall before my 2nd birthday with very straight, very blond hair.  Then there are photos of me in late winter/early spring after my second birthday and my hair is curled to my head and red/brown in color.  I shit you not.

Am I Good Enough Yet?

I guess it's not surprising that this pregnancy is bringing up all sorts of mixed feelings about my Mother's side of the family, but at the same time it is still surprising.

We have a wedding to attend this weekend for my Cousin B.  This will be the first time that I'm seeing my Mother's side of the family while looking more like I'm pregnant than looking like I need to lay off the cookies.  I have not made a big announcement within the family that I'm pregnant.  If anyone is "friends" with me on FB they all know.  I have a weekly update from babygaga.com that posts every Saturday and indicates how far along I am, how many weeks I have left, and the milestones that the baby is reaching for that week.  However, I'm not "friends" with all my aunts, uncles and cousins from my Mother's side of the family so I'm not 100% sure that everyone knows.

In my experiences with my Mother's family news travels fast.  Very fast.  I think most families are like this, especially large ones.  BUT - also in my experiences with my Mother's family when news makes its way through the grapevine that is not perceived by the majority to be "good news" that side of the family can be downright cruel.  My experiences with announcing pregnancies with this side of my family are not fond memories of joyous laughter, hugs, kisses and wishes of good thoughts and healthy babies.  The memories I have of announcing pregnancies are being ignored and treated as a leper.

So... I'm anxious about attending this wedding on Saturday.  I don't know how I'll be treated.  I don't know if I'll be congratulated or if I'll be relegated to that dark corner reserved for the family and friends invited only out of duty and not because you actually want to celebrate with them.

In my rational part of my brain I know that I'm not a teenager anymore.  I'm a married woman of 35 years old and there's no reason for my family to treat me as anything else.

In my hormonal, un-rational brain I remember announcing my pregnancy with Ki.  It was Thanksgiving.  We were in my Aunt and Uncle's house - which is very small so I know everyone heard me - and I made the announcement as everyone was sitting down to eat:  "We have an announcement.  This time next year there will be another baby J_ _ _ _ _ eating with us!  I'm pregnant!!"  You could hear a pin drop.  Not one person said a damn thing to me.  Nothing.  I was humiliated and hurt beyond belief.  Not one person said anything to me about the pregnancy at all.

And oh my god - the talk I keep hearing about how all my aunts and uncles went to see Cousin C's baby and how they were so excited to hold him (well, duh!  He's an adorable little boy, but that's beside the point) and on and on...  Know who came to see me and my children when they were born?  My Mother and Father, and my Aunt C on my Dad's side of the family.  That's it.  No one else came to see me or them.

I'm prepared to go to this wedding.  I'm prepared to stay for the reception.  I'm also prepared to turn around and walk right back out.

But I really hope it doesn't come down to that...

I Must Be A Hussy

Once, when I was married before to SFB, I worked briefly at the same factory as my Mother In Law (from HELL I like to add).  While I've never been a fan of factory work, it was a paycheck and at the time we desperately needed that paycheck.  It was a small factory and I can't even remember exactly what they made other than it had to do with Cold Start Diesel Engines.  (Whatever that means.)  There were about 9 ladies in the factory and 2 guys who worked in the shipping area.  It really was just one big warehouse space divided into the two separate spaces.

Being that I was 19 years old at the time I didn't really have much in common with the ladies there.  They were all at least 35/40 or older.  However, the 2 shop guys were in their early to late 20's.  Who do you think I gravitated to?  That's right.  The guys.  

Let me tell you, my MIL thought that I was just the worst of the worst for even talking to these guys.  God forbid I speak to someone of the opposite sex when I was married!  OH, THE HORROR!!!  

I knew she wasn't overly happy that I would talk to these guys, but I didn't care.  I did it anyway.  I wasn't doing anything wrong.  I was just talking to them.  

Well one day I made the cardinal mistake of going with one of the guys to pick up a large lunch order.  Whenever this guy would go out to lunch, he'd ask everyone in the building if they wanted anything because he was NICE like that.  This one time nearly everyone wanted something.  I offered to help him get it and bring it back to the shop.  We were gone for 10 - 15 minutes.  I swear that was all.

HOLY HELL DID THE SHIT HIT THE FAN.

According to my MIL it was bad enough that I would talk to these guys.  How DARE I leave the shop with one of them.  Because of course I was boning him in the car on the way to get the lunch.  Because we were gone long enough for that to even be a possibility.

This particular lunch run was the start of the decline of my marriage.  Not that it was all her fault, but the fact that your in-laws (because she dragged her daughter, other son, and husband into the mix) HATE you does not make for an easy marriage.  

Fast forward 15 years....

Ki went to visit with her dad's side of the family for Spring Break.  She called me, like I asked her to, when her Grandmother (my ex-MIL) picked her up to take her to her Aunt's house.  I was at work and Justin was up front BSing with me while he was waiting for something when she called.  I was asking her questions over the phone and Justin was mock answering them from in front of me.  I was laughing and told Justin to knock it off.  Ki asked me who I was talking to and I told her (she's known Justin for a long time, too).  

Then, without thinking about who I was talking to, I told her to make sure that she tells her Grandmother that I was talking to a guy at work who wasn't my husband and she'd better tell my husband on me.  When her reply was "Huh?" I realized that I was talking to my 14 year old daughter about her ignorant Grandmother, and I told her "Never mind."

I knew as soon as she hung up the phone with me that she'd say something to her Grandmother.  Needless to say when Ki returned a week later she was full of questions about my comment and wanting to know why her grandmother was saying that "some people never learn".  As much as I would have loved to tell her the story behind the comment, I'm not that stupid.  I'm just lucky that Ki had been off her meds for the week and it didn't take long for her to become distracted and forget her questioning.  

Lets just hope that she doesn't remember later because I have no idea how I can make that story age and person appropriate....

*I don't have any idea why Blogger is underlining certain words.  I didn't do that to emphasize anything!  I did capitalize but I didn't underline.

I've Raised A Street Walker

My normally level headed 16 year old has lost her damn mind.  She is planning on attending an after prom cruise on Lake Michigan with a group of friends.  I say planning on because she doesn't even go to the school this after prom activity is for, they're not going to the prom for that school, and I'm pretty sure her best friend who has talked her and the others into this grand idea isn't going to be able to get permission to bring 5 kids who don't attend the school and won't even be going to the prom to this after prom activity.  Did that make sense?  Go ahead and re-read it to un-confuse yourself because I re-wrote it three times and it never got better.  I'll wait...

Less confused now?  Good.

Li asked me several weeks ago if I would care if she went to this after prom cruise.  I told her then that I didn't think Melissa would be able to pull it off, but what do I know?  I'm just her mom and therefore I am as stupid as they come.  She then asked me if I'd be able to help her with a dress.  I told her I wasn't shelling out huge amounts of money for a prom dress for her to not attend prom in, but that I would help her out (and this part is important) depending on the dress.

Fast forward several weeks.

I have not heard a word from Li about this prom since our original two conversations several weeks ago.  This prom is now a mere weeks away (two maybe?) and Li asked me last night if a dry cleaner could do alterations to a dress because she bought a dress for "prom" and it needs a little bit of work.  By now I'm a little leery.  She never said she was going dress shopping.  She never asked for money for the dress.  Just what the hell does this dress look like?

Charlotte Russe dress

My 16-year old has lost her damn mind.  Are you KIDDING ME?!?!?  And the alterations she wants?  The boob pockets (because lets be honest - that's what they are in this dress) are way to large for her because she's not busty, and the slit that comes up 4" above her knee she wants to be longer so that it comes practically to her waist.  FUCK THAT.

In as nice of words as I could find to delicately tell her  I told her "No way.  No how.  You look like a hooker."  At which point she stomped out of my room and slammed her door.  She returned later, with puffy eyes and a stuffy nose, to inform me that she can't return a dress that she doesn't have a receipt for because she threw the receipt away when 2 weeks were past because "you can't return anything after 2 weeks".  Oh, she'll return it alright.  She'll end up with store credit for the cost of the dress as it is now (which is on sale for $15 cheaper than she bought it for) but that dress is going back.

I started thinking about it later and realized that my daughter bought the dress knowing that I wouldn't approve of it and then deliberately hid it from me (hid it by not telling me she bought it not hid it from me in a closet or something) for 2 weeks thinking that I would say "oh well.  You can't return it so I guess you can wear it."

When I shared this story with a friend she said "I remember the stuff I tried to pull over my parents when I was 16 / 17 years old!"

So do I except the shit I pulled at 17 was getting pregnant.  With my future Street Walker.

Did Ya Miss Me?!?!

It's been a few weeks since I posted last.  Not because I don't love you all, I do, I just simply didn't have anything interesting to post about.  I'm tried of bitching about my mom, my future SIL, my kids, etc... I figured you were just as tired of reading it.

I do have a funny, not funny, but still funny story from Easter dinner....

We went to my parent's house for Easter dinner.  Usually I will do anything and everything I can to avoid family get togethers, especially now since I can't drink, but this time it was a smaller and much more manageable group.  My parents, my brother Mark, my Grandmother (who is starting to go a bit batty), my Aunt and Uncle and cousin, another cousin and his fiance.  Plus my girls, M and I.  Compared to the 30-something the whole family amounts to - 13 is a much smaller number.

My cousin A is engaged to W.  W is allergic to nuts.  I didn't know this but I never have get togethers at my place where I have to coordinate food and food preparation.  My mother apparently was aware of her allergy as was my Aunt and Grandmother.  My mother made a side dish with broccoli, bacon, red grapes, and walnuts.  She failed to tell W that there were nuts in the salad.  W took a bite, realized what she'd eaten and nudged Cousin A while tapping her plate subtly with her fork as if to say "did you see that?"  My Uncle D saw this movement and thought she was saying "what the hell is this crap!?"  He was getting ready to tease her about thinking our food is bad when she asked my mother if there were nuts in the broccoli side.  You should have seen my mother's face!  Oh Em Gee!  I think she wanted to die right there.  She's all apologizing to W for not remembering to tell her there were nuts in one of the sides, W is all apologizing to my mother for not asking her if there were nuts in the side...  Then poor W starts chugging Coke in an attempt to flush any walnut residue out of her throat.

She and Cousin A ended up needing to go to the nearest pharmacy to get a syringe as she had her epi-pen but no syringe.  It was Easter Sunday but my Mother sent them to the nearest Walgreens insisting that it would be open because "it's Walgreens!  It's always open on Sundays!" despite us telling her "It's EASTER Sunday!"  Luckily they found an open Walgreens, got her syringe, pumped her full of adrenalin and they returned alive and breathing.

My mother was worried about them because they were gone for a bit longer than we thought they would be, and my mother is telling Mark to "text A and see if they need anything.  See if they're ok."  Uncle D is just laughing at my mother at this point because Cousin A and W are both doctors.  If they have a medical issue, out of everyone at the house that day, they're the one's who would know what to do!

End of the story is that my mother tried to kill W with nuts but no one died.

Except Jesus.

But then he supposedly rose again so I guess it's all good.*

*and I do believe that I will be going to hell for ending a blog with that!

I Don't Get It

Our friend Justin's brother, Brent, is getting divorced from the bitch that we're all convinced brainwashed him into becoming the worlds biggest Douche Canoe.  She is a piece of work.

As a small example of her idiocy I offer you this tidbit of information:
When Abbey was getting married (Abbey is Brent and Justin's only sister) she wanted Brent to be in her wedding.  She'd also requested that Brent's children, Annabelle and Anthony, be part of her wedding as well.  Abbey and Kristen (Brent's soon to be ex) have never gotten along so Abbey never requested Kristen to be a part of her wedding.  Two weeks before Abbey's wedding Kristen came up with this gem of stinking bullshit "we're a family unit and as such we do things as a unit or we don't do them at all."  Because Abbey absolutely refused to include Kristen in her wedding Kristen was refusing to allow her children OR Brent to be a part and they all pulled out of the ceremony.  Two weeks before the wedding.  Who does that?!  They then attended the wedding and I personally overheard Kristen telling other guests that they were kicked out of the wedding party.

So it came to our attention yesterday that Brent and Kristen are getting divorced.  Justin and Jess are beyond thrilled because they're hoping that they get the old Brent back eventually.  What absolutely boggles my mind is the fact that she is taking him to the cleaners.  Apparently between child support for one child (only Annabelle is biologically his; Anthony still has a relationship with his biological father) and alimony he's losing 60% of his salary.  How is that even possible?!  He has to be able to live!

On the one hand I'm pissed that he's getting hosed, but I know that he's made his bed and now has to lie in it.  On the other hand I'm pissed that this bitch is getting a free ride.  I sure as hell didn't get a free ride when I got divorced.  In fact I was flat out denied alimony (not that I would have ever seen a dime - he hardly pays child support) because there was no proof that I was unable or unfit to hold a job.  My children were 2 and 4 at the time.  Kristen's kids are 10 and 8 and in school all day, and she's got an associates degree!  There's no reason on earth that she can't get a job, she's just lazy.

I've also been told that he has to continue to pay the mortgage on their house.  She's going to continue living there with both kids and move her Mom in.  If I were Brent I'd demand that she sell the house or buy him out.  Why should he continue to pay a mortgage for another 20+ years when he's not living in the house and only one dependent is there?!  In my opinion Brent's lawyer is failing at his job miserably.

Hello There

Hi!  My name is Erin and I pee my pants.

I had a history of bladder infections as a child necessitating several tests involving catheters to diagnose the cause. (Turns out I was just stubborn and wouldn't stop playing to go use the bathroom.  Go figure!)  Using a catheter (I've been told) pokes a teeny tiny hole in your bladder.  Use a catheter several times and you get the picture.

I've had two kids.  Hello?!  Need I say more?!  Well... unless you've not had the pleasure of baking a human I'll share - they do a number to your bladder while you're so lovingly cooking them up. (Among the other things they do to your body and mind both during pregnancy and beyond...)

If I sneeze?  I will pee my pants.

If I laugh too hard?  I will pee my pants.  (And it doesn't take much to make me laugh.)

If you tickle me, if I yell too loudly, if you startle me, if I bounce in a bounce house, if you hug me too tight - I can guarantee you I WILL PEE MY PANTS.

Ryan, a friend and a "Shop Guy" at work for the week, didn't believe me when I told him that the reason I stopped in the hallway and crossed my legs to sneeze was to avoid wetting my pants.  He had to prove me wrong.  All he proved by giving me a surprise bear hug was that I was right.  Very right.

I peed my pants and had to use my lunch hour to go home to change....

Grown Up Decisions For Not So Grown Up Kids

Lianna made the decision a few months ago to not participate in Girls Soccer for high school.  On the one hand I'm proud of her for realizing that when you have too much on your plate something has to go.  On the other hand I feel sort of bitter about the fact that she had to make this decision.  Her reasoning for making the decision to cut out soccer was for several factors:

1- She works part time.  On days that she works she has to be at work at 5pm.  Soccer practice for the high school is every day right after school until 4:30.  That wouldn't allow her enough time to shower and change, as well as get to work on time.  I did ask her to see if she could cut her hours back from a 5pm start time to a 6pm start time, but she didn't want to do that.

2 - She decided to get this ferret (aka Kitty).  Kitty needs to be out of her cage at least 2 hours a day; preferably 3 to 4 hours a day.  If she has soccer then work, Kitty wouldn't be out of the cage hardly at all because Li wouldn't get home from work until 9:45 at the earliest - sometimes even as late as 10:30.

3 - Between work and Kitty she has to have some time to do her homework. While she does have a study hall during the day (took study hall in anticipation of needing it for soccer) that doesn't really allow her time to complete all her assignments.  She'd still have a few hours of homework after work.

4 - She wants to have some sort of social life.  Like I said, we discussed having her change her start time from 5pm to 6pm, but we also discussed her working during the soccer season only one day a week and then working on Saturday and Sunday.  Again, she wants to have some sort of social life and working all weekend would not allow that.

These reasons are why Li decided not to continue with soccer.  All these reasons are good and valid reasons as opposed to just not wanting to do it anymore - which really wouldn't be a bad thing either unless it was the middle of a season.  All of these reasons make me a little sad that she's not playing anymore.  She's played some form of soccer since the 4th grade.  With the exception of when we moved and she wanted to take a year off to make new friends, she's played every season.  Sometimes two and three seasons.

I'm a little sad to see this portion of her life go away.  She was never the Star Player on any of her teams, but she really did enjoy playing the game.  She liked being known in her group of friends as the Soccer Player.  I asked her yesterday if she misses playing for the school.  She said she does miss playing but not enough to want to give up her social life or even Kitty.  She said she feels a little sad on game days when the team are all wearing their jerseys in school, but again not enough.  I asked her if she wants to participate in Park District soccer in the fall.  They only practice twice a week and have a game on Saturday.  She said she'll think about it.

I, for one, will be rejoicing in the fact that I don't have to shell out a ridiculous amount of money for travel soccer or a smaller yet still  ridiculous  amount of money for the school athletic fee.  I'd rather pay the $85 for the Park District.

Teaching Kids to Say Funny Shit

Jessie is having a Spa Day tonight at her place.  She found some company that will come to your house and do spa services for pretty cheap.  Stuff like facials (not the dirty kind, you pervs!), manicures, pedicures, massages (no happy endings!), etc.  I'm not sure if it cost her anything to set it up but we all will pay for our "spa packages" on our own.  They're pretty cheap.  I'm getting the cheapest because my package doesn't include the cocktails - obviously!  My package is a mini-manicure (meaning no artificial stuff; just buff, shape and polish I think) and a chair massage and will only cost $34.  Not bad!

Last night Jess asked me if I could come and hang out with the kids for a little bit so she could go to the store by herself and get stuff she needed for tonight's Spa Party.  Ki and I went over there and played with the kids.  We played Old Maid about 7 times.  I forgot what it's like to play games with little kids, especially when one is special needs.  Ema, that little cutie, she would get so excited if she had a card that anyone asked someone else for that she gave it away every time!  She didn't quite grasp the concept that you needed to keep the cards you had a SECRET.  Ahahah!

Then I taught Andrew to say "what the WHAT?!" with hand motions and everything!!  Most of the time I teach him to do crazy shit because he looks so stinking cute doing them that I can't help myself, but this time I didn't even do it on purpose!  Madie was on a roll "guessing" exactly who had what card and was just running a train on that game. (She dealt the cards that game and I caught her peeking several times!)  Anyway - she guessed my card for the third time in a row and as I handed it to her I said "what the WHAT?!"  Andrew was next to me trying to tickle me and he repeated it perfectly - hand motions and everything!!

Later when Jess got home and told the kids to put on their pajamas Andrew said it!  Hand motions, facial expression, the works!  I died!!!!  I couldn't stop laughing and nearly peed my pants!  The look on Jessie's face was PRICELESS!!  She immediately turned to me and said "You did this!!"  I think it took me 5 minutes before I could speak coherently.  I told her I didn't do it on purpose but she had to admit it was fucking funny!

She had Andrew do it for Justin this morning and she said he got a kick out of it.  I taught Andrew to do this thing where he clenches his fists and tightens his face up, and kinda shakes... I wish I had a picture if it to show you, and I actually have a video of him doing it but #1 I don't know how to get it off my phone and into my computer and #2 I'm not putting his face out there in cyberspace for the world to see when it's not my child.  Sorry people.  Anyway, my little brother used to to that face all the time, and I remember Lianna doing it also.  I know it's not just my family that does it - I've seen other kids do it, but when I got Andrew to do it the first time Justin was so mad at me!  At the time Andrew was having pooping issues - it was hurting him pretty badly to poop.  He did it once for me and pooped - and SCREAMED bloody murder for about 10 minutes.  I felt bad but I didn't know he was having issues.  Once Justin got over the fact that I wasn't trying to hurt his kid on purpose he found the humor in it.

They've both told me that I'm in trouble when this kid is old enough to teach tricks to!  I figure no matter what they "teach" him/her it won't be nearly as funny as when I taught Li to call my older brother a Crack Baby.  She spent four days calling him Unka Kak Bebe!

THAT was funny.

Update. Because I'm A Crappy Blogger...

Update, huh?  Ok, here goes: 
Sarah and I finally had a talk about the girls dresses.  She's going to buy the girls dresses and I'll get them the black heels to wear with them.  It wasn't nearly as dreadful a conversation as I thought it would be and actually went pretty smoothly.  So that's taken care of.


I had to rush to my OB yesterday because I started bleeding.  I was freaking out.  This wasn't just some spotting which I know is common this was like the beginning of my miscarriage in October - bright red and more than spotting.  By the time I got to the Dr I was a mess.  Thankfully I don't work (or live) far from my OB's office and I was there in about 10 minutes.  They got me in right away and while the nurse was taking my blood pressure I couldn't stop crying.  Thankfully it wasn't the Ugly Cry, but I still was a mess.  


My OB did an internal ultrasound and the baby is fine!  Thank GOD!  I saw him/her kicking around and saw the heartbeat.  There was some fluid around the sac between that and my uterus but my cervix was closed and plugging everything up like it's supposed to.  My OB explained it as a leak in your house will find the path of least resistance and this excess fluid did the same thing.  I was ordered to be on "bed rest" yesterday and if there were no more complications I was able to return to normal activity today - which I am.  I'm just not allowed to jump around, lift anything heavy, or run a marathon.  Darn, there goes my weekend plans:  Lifting weights and running the Chicago Marathon.  Yeah, right!


I have another ultrasound on Wednesday the 14th as a follow-up so hopefully I can breathe easy after that.  That weekend will be the official end of my first trimester.  I'm hoping that I can make it that far and further...