Look Out High School - Here She Comes!

I had K's IEP meeting today to determine what her courses for Freshman year should be.  When K realizes that nearly all her classes are categorized as "special education" she's gonna flip.  They pulled her in as we were finishing so that they could tell her what classes she was taking next year, and she was all smiles and "ok"'s but I don't think she fully grasped what "co-taught" classes meant.  Nearly all her classes, except for math, will be co-taught which means that there'll be a regular teacher as well as a Special Education teacher in the classroom.  She needs these classes as they're smaller classes, so less opportunity for peer disruption, and because the teacher is supposed to be there as a support for her if she doesn't understand her work. 

One of the things they do to determine the need for the special education assistance in the coming year is to have a classroom observer, which is exactly as it sounds - someone observing K in the classroom.  They reported that in one of her classes the teacher asked her to read aloud from the book.  K is NOT a proficient reader and makes many many mistakes while reading.  She mispronounced the first word (It was pinata and she read pizza) and there was snickering.  Then she couldn't answer the question about punctuation in the sentence.  The observer noted that after that K's attention to the discussion went out the window.  She put her head on the desk for several minutes, then her head in her hand, then back on the desk, and continued in this manner for the remainder of the class.  She needs the smaller classroom setting and she needs to be comfortable in her surroundings.  I'm not saying that the school needs to go out of their way for her, because it's a school with 3,000 students, but they do need to take into consideration the fact that this is a kid who will sink if left to swim on her own.

M took L out driving for the first time last night.  When I was taking K to her counseling session I noticed a car make a turn towards us from a side street and the car went up on the curb.  I noticed it but didn't really pay any attention to it, until K said "Oh my god!  Is that L?!  It is!  MOM!  She just drove up ON THE CURB!  And they're gonna let her drive a car LEGALLY?!  You people are nuts..."  M called me after he got home with L and said that he just lost 5 years off his life.  He said she confuses the gas for the break, which in my truck (2007 Trailblazer) wouldn't be such a big deal because the engine would rev before you gained any speed and that should indicate your mistake with enough time to correct it, but in M's car (2001 Grand Prix) you floor the gas and the car takes OFF.  He also said she doesn't slow down enough to make turns and over turns the wheel while turning, which is what K and I saw when she went up on the curb.  The other things are basic new driver issues - nervousness when another car comes by and inability to maintain speed.  All in all I think it was ok, but then again I wasn't in the car with her!

K's Therapy

K has been accepted into the outpatient program at Streamwood Behavioral Health Systems.  We went for the initial consultation - called an Intake Evaluation - before Christmas but we had to wait for after the holidays were over to begin her sessions.  We were in last week for the first of two Interviews, as they call them, and we return for the second Interview this evening.  Then her therapy actually begins. 

At the Intake Evaluation they asked K all sorts of questions.  From her age, to her feelings about her dad, to her feelings about the sky and the moon, to her favorite foods.  At last week's Interview session they took the Intake Evaluation questions and got more in depth with them.  For example, one question they asked her at the Intake Evaluation was "Do you like your Mom's Fiance?"  At the Interview they asked why she gave the answer she did.  (Her answer, by the way, was "sometimes".)  Tonight's Interview will be more of the same.  Asking her to clarify her answers to the other Intake Evaluation questions.

This place is an actual hospital with patients there who stay there.  I was not aware of this when we went for the Intake Evaluation.  K and I had to be buzzed into the building by the receptionist.  We then had to give our names and reason for being there and I had to give the lady my drivers license.  She then wrote out visitor name tags for us and directed us down the hall and "wait at the double doors.  When the loud buzz sounds you can pass through the doors and take a right.  At the first door on your right ring the doorbell and someone will let you in the Admissions room."  During this journey we passed a group of kids who were all carrying what looked like take-out styrofoam containers down the hall in the opposite direction.  By the time we were in the Admissions room K's eyes were about to bug out of her head.  I had to lean down and whisper to her "when I leave here, you ARE coming with me.  I'm NOT leaving you here."  I realized that she was scared to death that I was going to admit her.

I think the lady who did the Intake Evaluation realized the same thing and reiterated what I had told K but added that should they think she's a danger to herself or others they'll have no choice but to admit her.  I don't think K put it together that she was referring to anytime K's in the building and not just this session.  I hope K didn't put that together because I'm afraid that she'll be less than honest with her therapist if she thinks she'll be admitted.  I don't think she did because she asked me if she was still coming home with me when we got to the hospital last week.

I like K's therapist.  She seems to be able to cut through K's bullshit pretty quickly.  She asked K a question last week, I wish I could remember the question but I don't, and K didn't really want to answer her so K gave her a vague answer.  Her therapist then asked the question again, and K again gave her a vague answer.  Her therapist gave her a moment to come out with the real answer and when K didn't, her therapist simply said "How about you tell me the real reason, and not what you think I want to hear?"

We have our second Interview tonight and I'm hoping that it goes as smoothly as last weeks did.  I'm just relieved to finally have K in some sort of therapy so she can vent all her anger and hopefully figure out ways to help herself.

WTF?!?!?

I had a talk with L when I realized her relationship with Jason was more than just a passing encounter.  They were both Freshmen in High School and... Well.. Lets be honest here, they were going to be doing "things" way sooner than I wanted them to but I'm not naive enough to believe that simply telling her "NO" would garner the desired abstinence I desired for her.  I'm smart enough to know that it would actually have the opposite effect. *Gasp!*  Imagine that!  A kid would actually go against her parent for telling her she can't do something?!  Never!

I look at it this way - I never had those talks with my mother.  Ever.  I never felt that I could discuss anything with her.  Ever.  I ended up pregnant at 17 with L.  I was pregnant with K at 19.  I do not want that for my kids.  I've talked to them about sex and all the responsibility that comes with it.  I remind them constantly about when we lived with my parents because I couldn't afford to live on my own when their father and I got divorced.  I remind them of when we finally were able to move to the apartment in Addison, but many times would have eggs and pancakes for dinner because I couldn't afford to go to the grocery store for several days.  I remind them of how I was unable to afford the $5 for a field trip and lunch money for McDonald's so they would sit in the Library during the field trip instead of being with their classes and enjoying a trip outside of school.  I try to remind them of just how far we've come and how much we've struggled to do so. 

I tell them daily that I do NOT regret them, but that if I could go back in time with the guarantee that I would have L and K the same as they are now - I would have waited.  I can only talk to them and hope that they make the right decisions.  L came to me and said that she thought it would be a good idea for her to be put on birth control.  I think I sprouted another 300 grey hairs, but agreed to make an appointment.  We had a discussion about responsibility and that my putting her on birth control is NOT to be mistaken as "permission" for her to have sex.  That I do NOT want her to have sex.  EVER.  However, I do not want her to do it anyway without protection. 

That was about 5 months ago.  K came into my room last night and told me that she thought that when she gets into High School that she should be put on birth control, too.  I just looked at this kid.  Ok... besides the obvious being that she's 13 YEARS OLD AND IN 8TH GRADE she physically cannot get pregnant.  She hasn't even started puberty yet.  I told her that I needed to process what she's telling me and could we discuss this in a few days?  She agreed and bounced out of my room.

So many things are going through my head right now.  Is she hanging out with a crowd of kids who are "bad" kids?  No.  Is she lying to me about where she's going, and instead going elsewhere and doing other things?!  I don't think so, but anything is possible.  Is this just a case of "L can do it so why can't I?"  Is she trying to tell me something but doesn't know how to say it or am I just being paranoid?!

Booger Cookie (That's What We Call, K!)

My mother picked up K early Saturday morning.  The were on a quest.  A quest to re-create the chocolate cake they saw on the cover of Bon Appetite magazine.  This was a gorgeous, three layer spiced chocolate cake with chocolate buttercream frosting between each layer, and a chocolate ganache/glaze over the whole thing...  Can you say "let's add 20 lbs to my upper arms and my stomach right now"?  K has always loved to help in the kitchen.  The problem is that she is so excited to help when the project begins only to have her attention span drop to -20 within 10 minutes.  In which case it becomes a battle of wills with the winner being the one who doesn't have to open a bottle of wine when the baking/cooking is over.  Needless to say - K always wins!

(I was able to upload this picture from www.bonappetit.com FINALLY!!)

But they did it.  The re-created this cake minus the ribbons!.  It was a little overcooked due to my mother's aging stove not being able to maintain a consistent temperature throughout the cooking process, but was edible and was good.  Was RICH.  Oh. My. God was it rich.  I have a picture of the cake but Blogger won't let me add it right now.  I'll figure that out later and if I remember I'll come back and add it.

L is still grounded.  She's lucky M has her back with certain things.  If it was up to me she'd still be grounded until the end of the month.  It's just now dawning on me that I never shared this little bit of Adventures in Teenagers!  I'll try to condense it as I have a tendency to go on and on; or so I've been told! :)

New Years Eve - L goes over to Becca's house in the late morning.  She and Becca were hanging out during the day and then going to Zack's house for his New Years Party.  (By the way, this is NOT the same Zac who used to be friends with L.)  When L left the house I told her "text me when you're leaving Becca's and going to Zack's.  I also want his address for when I have to pick you up."  L's response "I know.  I know."  Fast forward to 8 pm.  I realize I haven't heard from L.  I text her, and I get no reply.  This is a kid who starts twitching when her phone isn't in her hand so for her to not reply is odd. 

(I can feel myself beginning to carry on.  Condensed version, Erin.  Condensed version!) 

I texted her and called her numerous times between 8 and 8:45.  I finally went to Becca's house only to find out they were taken over to Zack's at 5:30.  Becca's mom took them over there but then went out and Becca's step-dad didn't know where this kid lived.  Leaving Becca's house I text L with "Ur dead".  Surprise surprise!  She called me almost immediately!  She tried to tell me that she and Becca were just dropped off.  She dug her own grave with that one. 

I was so angry with her my intention was to pick her up immediately, bring her home and beat her within an inch of her life, but I was going to a friend's house and did NOT want to deal with the attitude she'd give if I pulled her from her party and took her to my friend's.  I told her to say her good-byes to her friends because this was the last night she'd be hanging out with them for a very long time.  When I picked her up at 12:15 she and Becca came up with the following excuses as to why Becca should still be allowed to spend the night:

1. There's no adult at her house - I knew this to be bullshit as I'd already talked to Jay, Becca's step-dad, and knew his only plans for New Years Eve was to play Mario Kart all night.
2. Her parents were in a big fight and would be angry if she showed up unexpectedly - Sorry, but not my problem.
3. She had no way in the house if no one was up - I already know she's got the keypad garage opener outside the garage, and from listening to her and L talking during previous conversations they don't lock the door from the house to the garage.

I informed L after dropping off Becca that the following were gone for one month:  her phone, her TV, her computer access, any and all activities outside of school except for soccer.  She's allowed to go to school then come home and go directly to her room not to emerge until dinner.  Return to her room after dinner and not to emerge until morning and time to go to school.  She can then repeat that schedule for the month of January.  She was less than pleased.  I also informed her that any attitude or negative comments I received during the duration of her punishment will result in additional time to serve.

This is where M comes in.  He convinced me that my punishment was too severe.  Not that I shouldn't punish her, or that I didn't have a reason to be angry, but that the length of the punishment was too long.  I thought about it and decided to cut it in half.  Except for her phone.  That's gone for a month.  After 2 weeks of her grounding I will re-evaluate her sentence and see if she needs additional time served.

Needless to say she's been an extremely pleasant child for the last 10 days.  I intend to enjoy it while I can because as soon as she's back to her friends and such she'll return to the devil child I know.  My anger at her stems more from the fact that what I requested of her was simple and it's the same thing every time she leaves the house.  When you leave Point A to go to Point B I want to know about it.  That's it.  She can't seem to remember to do that, yet in 9 months I'm supposed to just be handing over keys to a 4,000 lb $25,000 vehicle without knowing where she is or where she's intending to go?!  I think not.