Phone Calls

Why is it that I can’t leave my house for 5 minutes before one, or sometimes both, of my kids calls me? They do it all the time. I’ll go to the grocery store and they’ll call to see where I am. While I’m thinking - Hello?! Did you not bother to look on the kitchen table for the note I left you telling you where I was going? Of course they didn’t. That would be reasonable. So they will read it, while they keep me on the phone, only to ask, “Well. When will you be home?” My standard response to this is question has become, “When I walk in the door.”

I don’t like to sound like a bitch, but they do this every time I walk out of the house. I think they deliberately wait until I’m at the end of the street to call me. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that they’ve got some sort of conspiracy going on about it either.

“You go follow her car down the street, making sure to stay out of sight, until she puts on her blinker to turn onto Woodhill. Then call me on my cell and I’ll call her with the most ridiculous question known to man.”

“Do I wait until she’s turned or do I call as soon as the blinker is on?”

“As soon as the blinker is on so her phone will ring in the middle of the turn and she has to dig in her purse to find it with one hand. It will be funnier that way.”

I really think they have conversations like this. It never fails. I will be in the middle of turning and my phone will ring. I have a different ring tone for different people because, well because I’m a dork like that, but without even hearing the ring tone full force (it gets louder as the ring goes on) I know it’s them. It’s gotten to the point where I’ll answer the phone with, “What can you possibly need now that I’m no longer at home? What is it that’s so unimportant that you didn’t to ask me two minutes ago but has since become so important it can’t wait until I get back from the gas station?”

I know that’s really a bitchy way to answer a phone call from your kids, but damn! I just want to be able to go to the grocery store, gas station, post office ONE TIME WITHOUT THEM CALLING ME!!