Wake The Fuck Up!

I’m angry today.  I’m balls angry today.  It started with a text on Sunday night and has continued right on into today.  Every time I think about it I want to punch someone in the throat.  I want to punch a specific someone in the throat.  And claw his eyes out.  And strangle him.  Then I want to cry with him.  With her.  With them both.

Most stories make sense if you begin at the beginning so let’s go…

Pri is one of my best friends.  Yes, there are times she has irritated me but I’m sure there are times I’ve irritated her as well so it’s a wash.  You can’t be friends with someone for 13 years and not have moments when you don’t want to be around them, but that’s neither here nor there.

Several years ago Pri found out that Dan (her husband) was doing drugs.  Getting into hardcore drugs and stealing money to fund his drug habit.  They lost their house because of his antics.  She left him, briefly, but he got his shit together and got clean, and they got back together.  Fast forward several years, four houses, two more kids and a move to Florida…

Pri asked me a little bit ago to write a letter for her so she could take it to her Kabala teacher.  The letter needed to be about how I viewed Pri as a person.  She told me to lay it all out there – the good, the bad, the ugly.  The purpose of this exercise, I think, was for her to see how others view her so she could work on becoming a better person?  I’m not 100% sure, but I wrote the letter.  In the letter I said that I wish she’d see Dan as her partner in this journey of life and not her adversary.  For as long as I’ve known them they fight like cats and dogs, but always kiss and make up.  It’s not one sided, these fights.  He gives as much as she does and they both take, but that woman can hold a grudge like no one’s business!

When I sent it to her she called me bawling.  She told me the reason they’re doing the Kabala is an attempt to get Dan back on track.  Apparently he’s up to his old tricks and this time has progressed to shooting up whatever his drug of choice is.  I sympathized with her and told her that I’m here for her if she needs me.  Since I’m in Chicago and she’s in FL a physical “there for her” is a little difficult and that’s what scares me.

She sent me a text on Saturday night, which I didn’t get until Sunday morning, of a needle/syringe she found in their house, with the question “What do I do now?! L”  My immediate reaction was to tell her to kick his ass!  Instead I told her that if it were me, I’d tell him to get his shit and get out.  Go find a rehab and don’t come back until he’s clean for good.

She and I went back and forth with our text messages all day.  She was in bed all day crying because she can’t believe he’s doing this to her again, she’s all by herself in FL with no support, he has nowhere to go if she kicks him out because he hasn’t made any friends, how would she take care of the little kids (two girls – B who’s 5 and I who’s 3) because Dan is a stay at home dad, and that Z (her 13 year old son) is mad at her for wanting his dad to leave. 

Sunday night I get a text from her saying “the bastard won’t leave until after Christmas so I’m going to go to my friend’s house after work on Monday and stay there until Christmas.  I’ll make sure to call the kids every day so they know I love them.”

WTF?  You’re going to voluntarily leave your children all day and all night with a man you KNOW is doing drugs?!?  Hell no.

After a long conversation with her about the ramifications of her leaving her kids with him she’s decided that she’s going to play the game he’s been playing – the let’s-ignore-the-problem-and-act-like-nothing’s-wrong game – until Christmas Day.  She says that the day after Christmas she’ll tell him to go and if he won’t do it on his own she’ll call the cops to make him leave.

I’m so angry because she isn’t doing what she needs to do to make sure her children are safe.  He’s a grown ass adult who has made the decision to do drugs.  They are children who don’t have that ability and look to her to keep them safe.  By allowing Dan to remain in the house with his drug habit unchecked she’s putting those kids in danger. 

I’m angry because he knows that by being persistent in telling Pri that he has nowhere to go, he’s going to wear her down by tugging on her heart strings.  Eventually she’ll feel badly for him (more than she already does) and she’ll agree that he can manage this on his own. 

I’m angry because these two adults are putting their own selfish needs and wants in front of the needs and wants of their kids.  Dan doesn’t want to admit he has a problem so he’s going to refuse to go to treatment no matter when Pri asks him to.  He’s not thinking about the damage he’s doing to his kids by forcing them to live with a drug addict.  And I don’t care how much he thinks he’s hiding it from them, kids see a fuck ton more than you ever think they do.  Pri doesn’t want to be alone so far from family and is ashamed to admit to anyone that she needs help so she’s going to allow Dan to manipulate her until this whole situation blows up in her face.

Neither one of them are thinking about what happens when B goes to her Kindergarten class and tells her classmates about her weekend of seeing Mommy and Daddy fighting because Daddy has needles in the house.  If Social Services gets involved not only is Dan going to be in trouble, but I’m pretty fucking sure Pri will be too.

So I’m angry today.  I’m extremely angry with both of my friends.  I want Pri to grow a pair and make her home safe for the kids and I want Dan to wake the fuck up and see what he’s doing to his family.