Manners, People!

I’m seriously about to stab someone in the throat.  What is with these grown men I work with?  I think they’ve all been raised in a barn!  We’ve got Ron.  Ron clears his fucking throat to get my attention because apparently I don’t have a name.  Ron also blows his nose into his handkerchief then puts the thing back into his pocket and doesn’t wash his hands.  (I’m not 100% sure his handkerchiefs are even clean to start out with.)  This action usually precedes him putting his fingers into whatever candy/food we’ve got on the table for general office consumption.  Ron also likes to stand around the front office chewing.  Loudly and with his mouth open. 

Then we’ve got Bill.  Bill is our sales guy.  I see the need for our company to have a Sales department, I do, but I don’t see Bill being the person qualified for this position.  He has sales experience, but has no experience in the glass industry.  His qualifications, or lack of, are a different subject.  Bill is also rude.  He will ask a question and while you’re in the middle of answering him he’ll ask another question.  (Ron does this too, by the way.)  Bill likes to announce his presence with a very loud voice and a grand entrance. 

Case in point – I was on the phone with a customer when Bill arrived today.  He announced his arrival by entering the office “with authority” meaning he opened the door so forcefully it banged against the wall next to it.  It’s a metal door so imagine the noise that made.  He also accompanied his authoritative entrance with a very loud “GOOD MORNING AND HOW ARE YOU TODAY?”  Hello!  Asshat!  I’m on the damn phone with a customer!  Shut your fucking trap! 

Apparently my asking the person on the other end of my phone to repeat himself was some sort of code to Bill to ask me another mundane question – loudly - and talk to himself while setting up his computer crap at the table in my office.  When normal people talk to themselves its at a rather low pitch and generally difficult to hear.  Not Bill.  His quiet voice is a regular outside voice.

On top of this he interrupts me later to find out where he can find a specific type of wine for his kids.  Not even asking me if I’m busy; he simply told me to do so.  Fine.  Whatever.  He’s the boss’ friend from their church so I have to make nice with him.  Lucky for me he’s not in the office very much so I don’t have to deal with him too often, but while I’m on the computer searching for his wine he comes behind me to watch over my shoulder… while eating a cookie.  With his mouth wide open. 

AAARRRRGGG!!! 

The clincher to my irritation was when he moved to the side of me – after I ran over his toe with my chair – and he continued to eat the cookie with his mouth open.  Pieces of chewed up cookie fell on my desk. 

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?

I kinda lost it.  I threw my mouse on the desk top, looked at him and said “Were you raised in a barn?”  He just chuckled and using his hand wiped the cookie bits into the trash. 

I have an overwhelming desire to Lysol everything in sight because I feel as though my office was violated.