Black Sheep

I really don't understand why when I stand up for myself and my beliefs, my family seems to think I'm being a bitch.  It happened with my email to my cousins and aunts over the baby shower and christening gown.  My mother basically told me that the world doesn't revolve around me.  I'm not 13.  I know this.  Let me make perfectly clear that I'm well aware that people are entitled to their own opinions and my family has many, but I didn't say anything until I'd had enough.  At which point I said what my opinions were. 

Apparently I need to either A) Shut up about anything I think and "go with the flow" regardless of my thoughts and feelings or B) Stop having any sort of contact with my family.  Neither of these options are very appealing to me.  Well... Option B at the moment, but that will pass.

Every year for Mother's Day for the last 8 or 9 years Chicago has had a Breast Cancer walk/run called Y Me which is held on Mother's Day.  This walk begins and ends in Grant Park.  It really is a nice thing to do, however there is a phrase "nothing is free" and this walk is no exception.  The cheapest I can register for this walk is $25/person.  I have three people in my family who would participate in this walk.  I don't have $75 to essentially get up at the buttcrack of dawn, drive downtown, find a place to park, pay for that parking, walk 3 miles in cold and drizzle (which was the weather for the last three walks we did), and pay for brunch afterwards.  Lets face it - it costs $75 just to register.  Add in everything else and we're talking $120 - $150 minimum.

Last year and this year I have decided that the girls and I would bow out of the walk and I would do something special with my Mother for Mother's Day - just the two of us.  Or maybe four if she'd like to have the girls come too.  My father sent an email to my brothers and I reminding us of the upcoming walk, and the cost to register now vs the cost to register later, etc.  He also reminded us that this year Mother's Day falls on my older brother, Eric's birthday.  He indicated this would be a wonderful family outing to incorporate the entire family for such a wonderful cause, etc.  Way to lay the groundwork, Dad.  Now when I bow out I'm going to catch hell for it.  I'm not going to be talked into this walk by being guilted into it.  It's EXPENSIVE for me to participate!  I'd rather spend that money getting K new bedding and L an new dresser-thingy.

So I decided to get it over with.  I sent the email.  I declined to participate explaining the expense it costs me.  I invited my Mother out to dinner and a movie of her choice on a date to be determined later, and asked to be informed of how the family plans to celebrate Eric's birthday.

I got an email back from my Mom telling me that she's more than ok with the girls and I not participating in the walk and that dinner and a movie would be fine.

I also got an email back from my Dad telling me that since this is supposed to be a family event, and since we've been doing this walk for years, I should have anticipated it and saved for it so we could participate.  He claims he was extremely disappointed in me last year for not participating and had hoped that I would have made "better decisions" this year, but apparently I have not as I continue to be selfish with my time.  He asked me to remember that this is my Mother's Mother's Day wish - for her Entire FAMILY to participate in this walk as it's for a good cause, etc, etc, etc.  Oh, and he also said that it's selfish of me to use the excuse that it's my Mother's Day as well because without my mom I wouldn't be here.

See what I mean?  My mother is ok with it.  She even said in her email to me that she enjoys our one on one time.  So either my Mom is lying to me and secretly talks about me being the horrible daughter to my Dad, or my Dad is just an ass.

I'm just tired of all this crap.  M and I have been talking about looking for jobs in another state.  One that isn't as crippled in jobs as Illinois is.  My drawback has been not wanting to be too far away from my family.  Now that the girls are older and pretty much self sufficient (I don't need babysitters every time we leave the house) it's something that I'm willing to look further into.