I'm about to put my dogs up for sale. They are worse than my kids for sucking the very life out of me. Walker will get into the dog food and eat 25 lbs of the 52 lb bag of dog food - and shit all over the bedroom floor in the middle of the night. Who cleans it up? Me. M is too busy sawing logs or he rolls over and says "I have to get up in a few hours". Like I don't?!
Last night it was the other one.
Yesterday morning I left ground beef in the sink to thaw for spaghetti for dinner. Li called me at 3pm to tell me that Tyson had eaten the ground beef. Really? I was worried that he'd get into the left over Halloween candy in the bowl on the counter that I'd forgotten to put up, but NOOOO! The fat ass dog gets his beak into the damn sink to pull out a bag of 1 1/2 lbs of raw ground beef and eats that.
We watched him all evening. We barely gave him any food for dinner. He acted like nothing was wrong all evening. Remember, this is a dog who has eaten (among other things) the following items :
- Entire bucket of KFC chicken legs w/super spicy sauce
- Uncountable number of tubes of Toilet Paper and rolls of Paper Towels
- Razor blades
- Staples - that go into a staple gun
- Light bulbs
- 2 lb bag of M&M's
- Pan of brownies and glass pan they were baked in (TWICE)
None of the items listed above were even a blip on his digestive tract. Not one. But you give him a raw hide bone and he pukes his guts out. Apparently this dog can only digest non-edible items such as glass and metal, or chocolate which is supposed to be deadly to dogs, because at 2am last night he lost his ass and his stomach all over my bedroom.
I was woken up to M swearing loudly and the light being flipped on. When I realized what had happened I did the following: I got up to use the bathroom and went back to bed. Yes, you read that right. I. Went. Back. To. Bed. As far as I was concerned "I needed to get up in a few hours".
Lately Tyson has taken to sleeping in my closet. I don't know why. Maybe because Walker has taken over Tyson's "spot" under the bed? Maybe because Tyson's fat ass can't fit under the bed anymore? I have no idea, but the closet is where he decided to lose his bowels. He's fucking lucky he didn't shit all over my shoes because the dog would have been put outside for the night and possibly for the rest of his life.
