When Does It End? How Does It Begin?

When does "girl drama" cease to be "girl drama" and become bullying?  K has/had a friend, Chloe, who is unlike any other friend K has had.  I'm in no way putting my child down, but Chloe is one of the "popular" girls.  She's a model, her family has money, she has lots of beautiful and stylish clothes, her hair is always done perfectly and is pretty...  You know what I mean.  K has not yet figured out clothes.  She's not yet mastered make up.  She has only this year realized that she NEEDS to take a shower every day.  Don't get me wrong; my daughter is not dirty, she's just not up to speed on "girl things" yet. 

Since K met Chloe last year they have had an on again and off again friendship.  One day they're friends and the next they're not.  This past Friday K told me in the morning that Chloe's mom was going to pick her up for school.  K texted Chloe to see what time, never got a response so she got on the bus.  I received a phone call from K's social worker at school that there was in incident involving K and several other girls.  Long story short - Chloe and K got into a fight, Chloe shared personal things about K with other girls, and being teen girls they were catty and nasty to K causing an issue.

I spoke with K about this Friday, we've set up outside counseling (This isn't the first time K's had issues with girls.  It's a long scenario going back to 1st grade.  She doesn't relate to girls her own age and can't handle criticism in any manner.  It always ends up in arguments and fights.) and I thought all was settled.  I told K to stay away from Chloe and her group of girls, and in general to act as though they're not there.  Apparently not.  I got a call from the Assistant Principle in K's school to set up a meeting with herself and the Principle tomorrow to discuss an incident that occurred today.

Apparently K and Chloe got into it in the locker room at school, K followed Chloe to her locker, got in her face, and threatened her.  Chloe claims K slapped her, but no one can verify it.  Of course K denied it to the Assistant Principle, but really?  Who knows?  I can see her doing it.  That's so bad, isn't it?  I haven't even heard any of this from K's mouth, but I already believe what the Assistant Principle is saying is the truth.  I now have to go to K's school tomorrow for a meeting with the Assistant Principle & Principle because Chloe no longer feels safe in the hallways or the lunchroom at school.  Chloe's Mother is pissed, and I don't blame her.

I just got off the phone with K and of course she denies 90% of the story I got from the Assistant Principle.  According to K she never threatened Chloe and she never got in Chloe's face.  K says that Chloe shoved her in the locker room so K shoved her back, she claims that someone in the hallway pushed her into Chloe at the locker.  "Now I'm getting in trouble!  Of course it's my fault!  No one ever believes me!  Fine!  Take Chloe's side!  Everyone else is!!!"  I don't know what to do with this child.  She absolutely REFUSES to take responsibility for her actions.  She REFUSES to see that her bad attitude is the root of the majority of her problems.  It's always someone elses fault or someone else caused her to do whatever.  I'm mean to her because I blame EVERYTHING on her.

She's only 13 years old!  How the hell is she going to make it through these years to become an adult?  And if she does make it to adulthood - Who will she become?!