As I have mentioned before on more than one occasion - I had my children young. I was 18 when I had L and 20 when I had K. My family, on both sides, practically salivate at the thought of new gossip and I'm well aware that I was fodder for that sort of conversation for a very long time. I know this. I'm not stupid.
My Aunt Cindy and I were pregnant at the same time. Her son, my cousin, was due 3 weeks after I was due with L. (He ended up being born 3 weeks before L) He and L were great friends growing up. Neither of them could wait to see the other when a family get together was planned and neither wanted to be the one who had to go home. I was really kind of cute actually. K came along two years later. Due to this closeness in generations I know that my cousins, especially my younger cousins, think of L and K as cousins like me even though they're technically a generation removed.
This never really bothered me until recently. I have two cousins who are married. Generally speaking, kids follow marriage. My cousin, Steph, is pregnant with her first child - a boy. I am so excited for her. I am so thrilled for her and Scott. Not only for the obvious reasons but because Steph recently went through some very serious health issues. It was a long illness with painful procedures and painful recoveries. They weren't sure if they even wanted to get pregnant as her health issues are genetic. However, as things like this seem to go, while they didn't plan on it they are over the moon excited to be having a baby.
As I said I'm thrilled for them! I really am, but I was beginning to get really pissed off at my family. It started with an email from an Aunt in Utah to all the Aunts and female cousins in IL (the majority of us are in Illinois) wanting to know if anyone was planning a Baby Shower for Steph. Pretty innocent question, right? Not the way this was worded. She specifically indicated how excited she was that we were finally going to have another generation to add to the "Family Tree", and that my Grandma was going to have Great-Grandchildren, and that we should really band together to make sure that Steph has the best Baby Shower of all time as she's bringing the first of the next generation into the family. Hello?! WHAT THE FUCK?! Then I get a "reply all" email from another Aunt who has "heard through the grapevine" that Steph and Scott are planning on asking my Grandma if they can use the family christening gown, and how wonderful that this next generation is going to be using the family gown. (This gown was brought over from Scotland something like 175 years ago. It's gorgeous and it's a coveted heirloom.)
Now I'm angry. Outright ANGRY. I specifically remember being about to pop with L and asking my mother if she thought that Grandma and Papa would allow my child to be christened in the family gown. (At the time, while I didn't attend church, I didn't have the same views I have now and baptism was a very real thought in my mind.) My mother got misty-eyed and told me that she was sure they'd allow it, and that my Papa was going to be so excited to find out that I wanted to carry on the family tradition. Uh.. Not so much. When I asked him, in the middle of dinner with the ENTIRE family, his initial facial expression was similar to what I'd have expected if I'd asked to use the family gown on a dog. He then said, "I don't deal with those things. Ask your Grandmother" and returned to his dinner as though I was bothering him. So, I asked my Grandma and her reply was "I don't even know where it is", turned to whichever Aunt or Uncle was sitting next to her and started a conversation. I remember sitting there not knowing what to say. No one else was talking and everyone was extremely uncomfortable. I think I finally got up using the excuse of an aching back and if I remember correctly, L's Dad and I left without so much as a good-bye to anyone. I never asked again and it was never mentioned again.
I got yet another reply email from a cousin indicating how excited she is and confirming the christening gown story among other tid-bits. I had finally had enough. I sent a reply all myself asking my family to respectfully remove me from these conversations. I told them all that I understand their excitement of the pregnancy but lets not forget that women have been having babies for thousands of years and therefore is not a new or unique situation. I also added that the additional generation is not new to our family as the "next generation" for our family has already arrived. And while I was at it, I think it's awesome that Steph has been granted permission to use the family christening gown, and her child will be the first of the "next generation" to use it but not due to lack of interest. If everyone would go back 16 years to a very uncomfortable dinner in which I asked to use the family gown but was treated as though I wanted to put it on Satan himself. And finally, I thought it was fantastic that they all wanted to throw a Baby Shower for Steph. While they were at it could they throw me one too? I was still waiting on the Baby Shower that I was told would be thrown for me "after the baby arrives". She's 15 now so clothes and a car would be great "baby gifts".
I haven't heard a peep from anyone except my mom, and that was only to tell me how rude and ungrateful I am. Was I wrong to go off on everyone via email? I don't think so.
I got yet another reply email from a cousin indicating how excited she is and confirming the christening gown story among other tid-bits. I had finally had enough. I sent a reply all myself asking my family to respectfully remove me from these conversations. I told them all that I understand their excitement of the pregnancy but lets not forget that women have been having babies for thousands of years and therefore is not a new or unique situation. I also added that the additional generation is not new to our family as the "next generation" for our family has already arrived. And while I was at it, I think it's awesome that Steph has been granted permission to use the family christening gown, and her child will be the first of the "next generation" to use it but not due to lack of interest. If everyone would go back 16 years to a very uncomfortable dinner in which I asked to use the family gown but was treated as though I wanted to put it on Satan himself. And finally, I thought it was fantastic that they all wanted to throw a Baby Shower for Steph. While they were at it could they throw me one too? I was still waiting on the Baby Shower that I was told would be thrown for me "after the baby arrives". She's 15 now so clothes and a car would be great "baby gifts".
I haven't heard a peep from anyone except my mom, and that was only to tell me how rude and ungrateful I am. Was I wrong to go off on everyone via email? I don't think so.
