Worst Mother in the WORLD!

Ki has not been behaving well for the last few months.  Ever since we took away her cell phone indefinitely she has been a brat.  There’s no other way to explain it.  I wish I had cameras set up around my house so I could record how absolutely disrespectful she is.  The kicker is she’s not just disrespectful to me.  She’s rude to everyone. 

Of course after I tell her to stop talking to everyone like they’re beneath her and then acting like we treat her like shit when we call her on it, she runs upstairs to cry about how mean I am and how much I hurt her feelings.  The truth is – I’m honestly at a point where I don’t care anymore.  I don’t know how much more of this crap I can take.  She uses her diagnosis of ADHD as some sort of safety.  Like I’m supposed to be more lenient with her because of it.  Or when we discipline her for something, such as last night M told her she couldn’t go back outside because of something she didn’t do, she thinks that by saying she “didn’t understand” the rule that it somehow makes it ok for her to not do whatever it was. 

Of course, when she and I, or she and M, get into an argument it travels down to her and Li, but lately it doesn’t even need to be set off by us.  Even Li is done.  She’s always been the one to stick up for Ki..  She’s the one who will say to me “that may not have been the best idea because of …” I have a tendency to kind of develop blinders when it comes to Ki and her behavior/attitude.  I don’t always see the bigger picture because I’m so focused on whatever set me off to begin with, and both Li and M have to remind me sometimes.  Not anymore though.  Li has said she doesn’t want to be around Ki anymore. 

Ki walks into the house and immediately she’s got an attitude with everyone.  Then when we call her on the attitude we’re in the wrong because we’re “yelling” at her.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been accused of “yelling” at her.  Or because she’s going off on some long winded explanation of why we’re so mean to her and GOD FORBID I INTERRUPT HER!  Then the shit hits the fan.  Yet if I’m talking to her and she doesn’t like whatever I’m saying she will interrupt you in the blink of an eye.  And not stop talking even when you call her on the interruption.

However, I digress.  Back to why I’m the Worst Mother in The World.  Last night was no different than any other night but I finally told Ki that she is making our house unhappy.  In retrospect, I probably should have waited until this Wednesday when we have a session with her therapist, but I couldn’t take it anymore.  She was angry at me for not letting her go back outside after her chores were done so she was being just flat out RUDE to Li when Li couldn’t figure out how to explain a GPA to Ki in a way that Ki would understand.  Li was trying to but Ki decided that she was just going to yell at Li “FINE.  Don’t talk to me.  Be rude and disrespectful.  Everyone is so mean to me in this house.”  I told Ki that I’d had enough.  I was done listening to her talk to other people like they’re beneath her and then acting like we treat her like she’s shit when we don’t jump to do her bidding.

She ran upstairs crying about how mean I am and how much she hates living here, etc.  When she came back downstairs she wanted to talk.  Ie:  She wanted me to listen to her while she complained and didn’t want to hear anything that may contradict her.  Bottom line is I ended up telling her that I’m not negotiating with her anymore.  It’s my house and my rules because I’m the Mom.  I don’t have to explain my decisions to her and I don’t have to give her options.  If she doesn’t like my rules she’s free to call her dad to make arrangements to live with him.  I did tell her that I don’t want her to live somewhere else, but I’m no longer forcing her to live somewhere where she’s unhappy and contributing to making everyone else unhappy.  I did take responsibility for my part in the confrontations we have, but I’m not going to take 100 percent of the blame anymore.  (Don’t judge until you’ve walked in my shoes.)

Ki ended up calling my parents and she went over there last night to spend the night.  They’ve told me for years that if I ever need her to be removed from the situation to call them.  I think Ki was hoping that they’d say “Oh, you poor baby!  Come live with us and life will be castles and unicorns and candy!”  I also know this is not the case, and because my parents are leaving for their 40^th Anniversary Italy trip in less than 2 weeks they are not going to be letting Ki stay with them for long.

She’ll be back tonight and but I know nothing has changed…

K's Update

** This is a L-O-N-G post, but I need to get it out. You've been warned. **

K has been seeing a Psychologist once a week since the beginning of this year.  I've seen differences in her since the therapy has started, but we still have a LOT of issues to work out.  Last month, Jessica  indicated to me that she thought K showed very basic symptoms of ADHD, and that K confirmed for Jessica that she can't sit still in class, she's very fidgety, she gets in trouble at school a lot, etc.  Jessica asked that we make an appointment with one of their Psychiatrists, Dr. Scott, to have K tested for ADHD.

This is where I start to say to myself "Yeah, right.  This kid is playing you like a violin."  That's the thing with K.  She is very crafty when she wants to be.  If K's answer to a question is A but she thinks you want to hear B then B becomes her answer.  I think Jessica asked her questions and K gave her the answer she thought Jessica wanted to hear.  Regardless I went ahead and made the appointment which we went to yesterday.  K had to have some blood-work done prior to the appointment to rule out any medical things that could cause her problems.  After talking to K for a few minutes, while leading K into the answers I thought, the Psychiatrist decided that she did show symptoms of typical ADHD and prescribed both a nighttime antidepressant (which will help with her sleeping) and a daytime medication to help with her ADHD.  (There was a lot more things than just a 5 minute conversation that happened at this appointment, but this was the basis of the diagnosis.)

I'm torn.  On the one hand I think K is giving them the answers she thinks they want to hear because taking medication is a way of getting attention in her eyes.  I also think the way they were wording their questions was giving K and indication of how the answer would be if she were ADHD.  For example, the Psychiatrist asked her "How do your thoughts go around in your head?  Do your thoughts jump from one thing to another, are they all over the place, do your thoughts confuse you?"  To me, that's like saying "if you really are ADHD this is how your thoughts are in your head" and therefore leading K into the answers.

On the other hand, I've thought that K was beyond just being your average hyper kid for YEARS, but every time her school would do the Connors Test on her (a test schools use to determine ADD/ADHD.  The first step in getting a diagnosis through a pediatrician) she'd pass with flying colors which would mean her pediatrician would basically laugh at me when I'd come in with these results.  Like "what the hell is wrong with you, Lady?  You just wanna drug up your kid."

Depression runs in my family on my dad's side.  His mother was Bipolar, my aunt is, my dad has suffered from depression, and so have I.  ADD/ADHD runs in my family on my mom's side.  My uncle was diagnosed with something like ADHD - probably not ADHD as we know it today seeing as it was 1950/60 something, but I do know he was put on medication that turned him into a zombie until my grandmother refused to give it to him anymore, and I have three cousins all with varying levels of ADD/ADHD.  I know depression can be inherited like alcoholism or addiction, but can ADD/ADHD be inherited?

My mother asked me if any of SFB's (Shit For Brains = Ex-husband and DNA Supplier) family has ADD/ADHD.  That question with those people is about as good as... I don't know what but it's useless because they're the BIGGEST group of hypochondriac's I've even had the displeasure of knowing.  Let me tell you!  If there's a rare disease or illness I guarantee someone in that family has had it or currently suffers from it.  They're a bunch of brainless idiots.  They've been telling L that she's got ADD simply because she jiggles her knee up and down when she's bored and fidgeting.  Duh... Her dad does the same thing.  It's not an indication of ADD, Morons.  Get a clue.

I picked up K's medication today that Dr. Scott prescribed for her last night.  We'll start giving it to her tonight.  She's got two prescriptions - one is for nighttime because she's got a lot of trouble falling asleep.  She's like me that way.  If I'm not DEAD tired I will lay awake all night long.  That's why I have the Ambien.  This medication is also a anti-depressant so we'll see how that works out.  The other is for the ADHD and should help her focus and filter.  We'll see how well it works.  I have to watch out for her though.  Dr. Scott said that this medication is similar to the Ritalin they used to prescribe in that it can amplify her moods instead of focusing her.  If she's angry she could be angrier than normal, if she's hyper she could become more hyper than normal...  I let her social worker at school know so that if there's an issue at school she is in the loop.  Also because I need the teachers to fill out a questionnaire and fax it back to Dr. Scott.

The questionnaire is where I place my trust honestly.  If K is faking anything, she won't be able to fake it for 2-3 weeks.  The questionnaire will be filled out by her teachers this week and then again in 2-3.  It asks the teachers to rate things like

• Restless in the 'squirmy' sense
• Acts 'smart' (impudent or sassy)
• Disturbs other children
• Mood changes quickly and drastically
• Excessive demands for teacher's attention
• No sense of fair play
• Denies mistakes or blames others
• Easily frustrated in efforts

They then have to rate them on a scale of 1 to 5.  K won't be able to fake that stuff for too long.

I guess this is enough ranting for one day.  If you've made it this far - pat yourself on the back.  (Or get a hobby!)   That was a lot of babble to go through, but I just needed to vent...